Rising Sun
by Elentarivarda
Summary: This is my ver. of Midnight Sun, starting where Stephenie Meyer left off. I mean no disrespect to Ms. Meyer or her creation. It all belongs to her. I merely needed to complete the story in my head. Keep checking for new chapters! thanks!
1. Chapter 1: 11 Complications cont

**11 Complications (cont…)**

I watched Bella shift in ephemeral moments of sleeping and waking. I took great care to keep as deep in the shadows as I could. Discovering me in her room as she slumbered, after our discussion of my truths, would be enough to frighten even the strongest of humans. But, then, this was Bella. Bella who said it didn't matter that I wasn't human. Bella who claimed she wasn't afraid to be near me – a killer. Bella, sweet Bella, who cared for me – a monster. Perhaps I should want her to see me. I should walk into the middle of the room and wait for her to wake again. Knowing Bella, she probably wouldn't care that I'm a peeping Tom too. I was disgusted with myself. What was I doing here? Why was I dragging this beautiful, safe creature into my dark, dangerous world?

I knew what I was doing. I couldn't be away from her. I wanted so badly for it to be morning. I wanted her in my car, so I could begin asking her the countless questions that filled my head. How frustrating and mysterious was this girl, and how entirely intoxicating and intriguing.

She spoke my name in her sleep again. Her restlessness wasn't from nightmares tonight, though. I saw no anguish in her delicate features as she slept. When she woke, she only sighed and fell into a quite trance until she was asleep again. Did I really affect her this way? Could I presume that her dreams were in hopeful anticipation of seeing me in the morning? Could I presume that she wanted the night to be over as much as I did? I didn't dare to think it. I shouldn't want it. How conflicting everything was now!

She was sleeping again. How badly I wanted to touch her skin and feel her close to me. _No. Control yourself._ I began to think about the questions I would ask her. It would take years to ask them all. Which questions would I start with? How could I rate them in importance? What did I want to know first? It was impossible to decide.

I wanted to ask her if she liked the boys at school. Did she refuse them for me? No, those questions were not what I wanted to ask first. They were not about her as much as they were about them. I didn't care about them. I only cared about her. I wanted to know what she liked. Smells, tastes, colors. I wanted to know why she made the decisions she made. What innate set of rules did she follow? Did she follow the principles her parents taught her, or her own, or some combination thereof? I wanted…I wanted to know _why_. Why did she make the decisions she made? Why did she choose the things she chose?

I realized, in my pondering, that I knew exactly what I wanted to ask her.

I needed to know what made her happy.

It was all I wanted to do…to make her happy. For the first time, I thought about the possibility of causing this beautiful creature something other than hurt. I knew, then, which questions I would ask. I would ask what I wished I could hear in her silent, frustrating, beautiful head.

She finally fell into an exhausted sleep only hours before daybreak. She was silent. I lingered for a while longer, watching her hands as they lay quietly next to her pillow.

At the first hint of light I leapt from her window into the barely lit, dew-filled morning air. I was immediately aware of the absence of her burning, sweet scent and I wanted to run back to her side.

_No, Edward. Go home, be patient. She will be near again soon enough. No mistakes._ I slipped into the trees and turned for home when I heard Charlie wake.

*****

One would never guess that there were five people living in this house that attended high school. Any normal home would have a hum of activity by this time in the morning. Everyone stirring, eating, and stepping on one another, as they tried to make themselves presentable for the day. But, the Cullen house was essentially still.

Rosalie was in her room, admiring her reflection. She had a new outfit that made her feel pretty. I didn't linger with her thoughts for very long.

Emmett was watching the television. _"Watching the human again. Pathetic." _I ignored him.

Esme smiled as she passed by me. _"He seems different today…anxious? But still happy. As long as he's happy."_ I saw in her mind that Carlisle had already left for the hospital.

Alice and Jasper were upstairs in their room. Ah, a private moment. I quickly left them.

One hour. This could possibly be the longest hour of my life. I quickly changed my clothes and returned to the main floor of the house. Emmett had switched over to a video game, much to Rosalie's dismay. She had joined him on the couch, ready for him to shower her with praise about her beauty. I wondered if Rosalie would ever be capable of any other thought. I wondered if she even realized how shallow she was. I doubt she'd care.

I sat down at the piano and played the lullaby. _Bella's _lullaby - that sleeping doll that tempted my every fiber and entranced my every thought.

Fifty-seven minutes.

I sighed. Esme smiled at me.

I wondered if Bella's impatient sleep could mean that she would be ready for school earlier this morning. I could leave 15 minutes earlier. Maybe even 20. Would it be too forward to be waiting in the drive as soon as Charlie left for work? I didn't really care. I needed to be near her.

I played the lullaby again as I shuffled the questions I wanted to ask her in my mind. I couldn't decide which to ask first. I conceded to allow myself to be spontaneous about it. I'd ask the first question I thought of when I saw her. Well, the first question that was appropriate at this juncture. _Yes, Edward. Keep it light._

I sighed again.

54 minutes. How human I felt: so incredibly bound by time.

I continued in this fashion until I counted down to 25 minutes. I'd have to be careful. Charlie might not have left yet. But, I couldn't wait any longer. I rose from the piano and strode out to my car. Rosalie was already standing next to her red, disgustingly vain car. But I couldn't complain, could I? It was my doing. I wasn't really giving the other's a choice. I wouldn't be driving them to school anymore.

"_Oh good, he's leaving."_

She buffed the car to a blinding sheen and then looked at herself in the reflection. _"I'm so glad those myths about not seeing our reflections aren't true. How unbearable that would be." _She played with her hair.

Maybe shallow wasn't the best term. Was there something lower than shallow? I smiled to myself. I was immediately reminded of Bella. She was the exact opposite of Rosalie. Of course, Bella was far more beautiful to me than Rose could ever be, but Bella would never admit to this. I wondered if she even knew how intoxicating she was?

I pulled out of the drive, glad to be rid of Rosalie's thoughts, and raced toward the silence of Bella's mind. Today, I would learn a few of her secrets.

I had to wait down the road a few moments until Charlie pulled away, but within seconds of his departure, I was parked in his spot in front of the Swan house. I watched in anticipation. Would she be ready early? Will she be unnerved that I'm already in her driveway?

She interrupted my thoughts when I saw her peek through the window. I heard her hurry down the stairs. If my heart could've leapt, I'm sure it would've. Could she be excited to see me? I wanted to run to her.

I needed to stay calm. _Patience, Edward. Don't attack the poor girl._

I stayed still as she appeared in the door of the house and walked toward my car. I wondered if her hair was as soft as it looked.

_Stop it!_

She hesitantly got in the car, but she didn't seem scared. I smiled at her despite the burning pain in my throat.

Ah, there it was. The blush, the smile. Those 42 minutes were worth the wait.

"Good morning." I said, calmly, not wanting to ruin the moment. "How are you today?" _Yes Bella. Tell me absolutely everything._ Why was it _her_ mind I couldn't read? Of all the minds in the whole world and all of time…why did it have to be hers?

"Good, thank you." Her voice was like a song.

"You look tired." I told her, studying the darkened circles around her eyes. I didn't state it as a question. I didn't need to. Of course, she didn't know that.

"I couldn't sleep," She said quietly, moving her hair. Her scent enveloped me. _Keep it together, Edward._

"Neither could I," I quipped and started the engine.

She laughed. Was it possible for her to sound any sweeter? "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did." I looked teasingly at her. _Not much more though_, I thought.

"So what did you do last night?" She quickly asked. _Oh Bella, if you only knew._

"Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions." I laughed, glad to have the excuse to not answer her. _Oh, the same thing I do every night, I was just sitting in your bedroom, watching you sleep. _

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" She seemed annoyed. I realized I could have fun with this. I remembered my decision to ask the first question that came to mind. All I could think of was how much I loved the faint pink in her cheeks. Ah, there was my question.

"What's your favorite color?" I acted serious. Inquiring minds want to know, after all.

She rolled her eyes at me. It _was_ fun. "It changes from day to day."

_Oh, no, Bella. You're answering these questions._

"What's your favorite color today?"

"Probably brown." She answered plainly.

I snorted. She was wearing brown. She was trying to avoid the question. "Brown?" I called her bluff.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown — tree trunks, rocks, dirt — is all covered up with squashy green stuff here."

_Did I just hear her complain about plants? Was she being serious?_ I studied her, unable to understand how she could desire the plainness of dirt and tree bark over the vibrant green of the vegetation that grew all around Forks. _Phoenix. Right, of course. She's used to brown._ Forks was very different than what she was used to. She was homesick.

_Maybe this question and answer thing would work. Maybe I could actually figure her out._

"You're right," I said. "Brown is warm." I couldn't stand it any longer. All the talk about brown made me think of her hair - that sweet scented hair that tempted me. How soft and warm it must be. I reached and lightly moved a strand of hair on her shoulder.

_Oh. Wow._

I should've been glad that we had reached the school, so that I could open the door and free myself from this torture…but I didn't want to free myself. I wanted to sit and breathe her in forever. I parked and turned to her, making no move to get out of the car.

"What music is in your CD player right now?" Another spontaneous question. She sheepishly named a band that surprised me. I smiled and pulled out the CD she mentioned from my collection in the car. I handed it to her. Could we possibly have things in common?

"Debussy to this?" I questioned. She didn't look up at me.

Was she intrigued by this commonality too? I remembered how surprised she seemed the day she fainted in Biology and heard my claim that I was listening to music in the car. She sensed how different I was, even then. I chuckled under my breath. _I wonder what other recordings we have in common?_ I'd have to investigate that further the next time I was in her room.

I continued to ask her questions throughout the day. Anything I could think of that could give me some idea of what made her happy. Anything to help me understand that quiet mind. I suspected that she loved reading as much as I did, and my suspicions were confirmed with my questioning. I wanted to know every book she had read and if she had liked it. What did she think of the characters? Did she favor one author over another, or was it the stories that caught her attention? I'd read every one of the books she mentioned, a thousand times over. How intriguing to see how fresh eyes react to stories I was intimately familiar with. How curious it was that her passion made me feel excited for stories and characters that had long been bored afterthoughts in my mind.

I found that I asked a question now and then that seemed simple and casual enough, until I saw her blush scarlet at the thought of answering. My intense curiosity (and perhaps a selfish desire to watch her blush again) kept me asking questions along the same lines.

I asked her what her favorite gemstone was. Simple question, I thought. So many girls were fascinated by things that shimmered and sparkled. But not Bella. She didn't seem fazed by those things. So, what would she choose? Something simple and uncomplicated? A pearl perhaps? Or an opal?

"Topaz," she blushed. _Another brown thing, interesting._

Was it because it was brown, like Arizona? Could I be so bold as to think that it was because my eyes were the same color? I couldn't help myself and I began asking her for the reason why she chose that gemstone. I had to know. I had to know everything.

My prodding didn't warrant a response, so I resorted to demanding an answer. "Tell me."

She reluctantly confirmed my quiet desires.

"It's the color of your eyes today," She sighed and played with her hair. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx."

_Oh._ She _did_ choose it because of my eyes. Did she really find my strange eyes beautiful? Or was it just a quick response? Topaz eyes staring at her, so she chooses topaz? My gut twisted.

_Keep moving, Edward. Keep it together._

I quickly asked another question to keep from revealing my obsessive thoughts about her.

"What kinds of flowers do you prefer?"

I watched her sigh in relief. Her heart slowed to a pace closer to normal.

_Oh good. It worked. She doesn't think I'm a freak…any more than I already am, that is._

I was so engrossed in asking her questions, I was actually surprised by Mr. Banner's entrance into Biology. He was pushing the TV cart again.

_Oh god._ I'd never survive this again. I'd surely ravish her before the end of class, (I only briefly thought of the other possibility before chasing it from my mind).

Fate had it in for me. She was beautiful; she smelled so good; she wanted to me near me as much as I wanted to be near her; and she sat so close to me. It was too blasted easy! Did seventy years of good behavior count for nothing? This one, small girl would be the undoing of a near century of discipline!

I wouldn't let it happen. Mr. Banner turned off the light and I moved my chair away from Bella, when all I really wanted to do was devour her. I ignored the hot pain in my throat and held my breath.

Ugh. I hated high school. To sit in those dull classes was bad enough, but the torture of sitting next to this perfect creature? Agony. Sweet, horrible, intoxicating agony.

I paid no attention to the movie. I was sure I'd heard it all before anyway. I only studied Bella. What was she thinking? Was she thinking of me? Her rapid, irregular heartbeat told me she wasn't paying much attention to the movie. How I longed to reach out and touch her.

The hour passed far too slowly.

The light could not have come back on at a better moment. I was nearly ready to give up and accept all that Hell had to offer me. At least I knew it would be sweet.

I studied her as we rose to leave class. She finally looked up at me. _Do you have any idea how much I want to hold you and kiss you and …_

_Stop._

When we reached the gymnasium, I knew I had to leave her. I knew the irony in it. An hour with her was torture, as was an hour apart. I knew I couldn't speak – oh the things that would come out of my mouth…..

I reached up and touched her face with the back of my hand. Warm. So warm. I began breathing heavily, letting the flames of her scent lick my throat. I wanted to absorb as much of her as was possible to sustain me while we were apart.

My hand broke contact with her soft skin and I knew I had to walk away. _Just for a little while, Bella._

I glided down the hallway, completely unaware of the people around me. I was focused on the people around Bella, watching the blood rush to her face as she watched me walk away. I couldn't decide if I wanted to watch her in gym again or ponder the next round of questions I was going to ask. It was so unlike me to be so indecisive. How was it that this girl affected me in such a way?

*****

Emmett had pummeled me with mind chatter the whole hour in Spanish class. As class dismissed, I rushed out to meet Bella. I heard him think, "_crazy_," and I knew it was directed at me. _Maybe I am crazy, but I don't care. I've never felt anything like this in all of my existence._

She nearly fell out of the gym door, a wide smile spreading across her face when she saw me. I smiled back, happy to be in her presence again. I resumed the battery of questions as we walked to the car, focusing on Arizona. In my many years, I found that people who were intimately connected to a place, a thing, or a person…those people gave the most intricate descriptions of the subject. I was addicted to her eyes; her point of view. I wanted so badly to see through those eyes and the world the way she did. She brought new life into me and I could feel again.

When we reached her house, we sat in the car and talked for hours. Her voice, her smell, her blush…they were all amplified by the echo of the rain that fell outside the protection of the car – as was the burning in my throat. I listened as she described places I'd never seen and people I didn't know. Her hands spoke in signs as she tried to describe what she couldn't find the words to say. I found myself wishing I could have been there with her, in all of her memories, experiencing them with her. Even as she described the clutter in her bedroom in Phoenix, her voice sounded like warm, humming bells.

_Huh. Bella. Bells._ How perfect was her name? A beautiful bell.

She was looking at me, silent. I broke out of my reverie to realize the time. How ironic that the entire day had been so confined to time, when I was so completely _not_ bound by time.

"Are you finished?" She finally said. Had I heard a hint of relief?

"Not even close — but your father will be home soon." I reluctantly added the last part. _Bella, I could sit here with you forever._

"Charlie!" She exclaimed quickly, finally breaking out of her own daze. Could it be that she was as intoxicated as I was? No, it was not possible. "How late is it?" She looked at the clock.

"It's twilight," I answered as I studied the lingering sunset. I turned and gazed at her, not wanting to break away from the deep brown of her eyes. _More brown, fascinating._

"It's the safest time of day for us, the easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" I said, ending on a lighter note, realizing my deep thoughts had been spoken aloud. _Careful, Edward. Stay in control._

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars. Not that you see them here much." A frown. More homesickness.

I didn't want our day to end on a sad note so I let myself laugh and smiled at her. "Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I teased her, but wondered if she would take the bait. I wished she would.

"Thanks, but no thanks." She began gathering her things. I could see her muscles tense and relax. She was stiff from all the sitting. I needed to remember that she was human and needed to move now and then. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not!" Sneaky girl! I stared at her in playful disbelief. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?" _Oh, so much more Bella._

"You'll find out tomorrow." I said and I dared to reach across the car to open her door. Her warmth was so close to me – a fiery storm blasted me in waves. It was overwhelming. I wanted to turn and touch her again, but I was suddenly assaulted with another, new tempest. _Ah, always a complication._

"Not good."

"What is it?" she sounded worried now. I looked up at her soft, perfect face and opened the door.

"Another complication," I moved away quickly, hoping she'd understand it was time to say goodbye for now.

She seemed confused and hurt. _Oh, please don't be hurt. It must be this way, Bella. _She soon saw the headlights though, and looked at me, understanding.

"Charlie's around the corner," I warned her, but I was staring toward the other vehicle that had pulled up in front of Bella's house. I heard Bella exit the car while I studied the visitors for another moment. I knew them, if only by association. Quileutes. _You will not keep me from my Bella._ Knowing that Bella was safely clear of the car, I backed from the drive and hit the gas, making eye contact with the unwanted visitors as I sped past them.


	2. Chapter 2: 12 Balancing

**12. Balancing**

I sped home and left the car. I didn't even bother to check in with the family before I ran back toward Forks.

"_What's up with him?"_ I heard Emmett think.

"_Are you alright, Edward? Jasper is worried. I am worried."_ I heard Alice's plea, but I continued to run away from the house.

Not tonight. I didn't know what I was doing, exactly – running back to Bella as I was. I couldn't very well show up on her doorstep with Billy and her father there. It was hours before she would go to sleep. all I could do was sit in the trees and listen. Why was I worried? They broke the treaty…that child did. _Jacob_. Billy should have been more careful. He can't put this on me. A toxic potion of anger, helplessness, and terror welled up in me like a kettle boiling over. What was I terrified about? She _should_ be afraid of me. She _should_ stay away from me. Maybe Billy would finally bring her to her senses. This is what I should want.

_No, no, no._

I should stop, turn around and go home. I should leave her. She was far safer with her father and the Blacks. Why the hell wouldn't my legs take me home? I hated myself more than ever.

_I'll just listen…watch. Just see what Billy does. _Right, I was just being responsible.

The treaty was already broken. Did Billy know that Jacob broke it? Would he tell Charlie about me?

I climbed a tree in the darkness and peered into the windows, listening. Her voice was the first I heard.

"I got a ride with a friend." _Friend. _I liked hearing her say that more than I should. My thoughts lingered on the memories from the day. The blush in her cheeks, her smile, the amazing softness of her hair…. _Stop!_

"Nice ride." the boy, Jacob, was talking to her. They seemed comfortable around each other. Jealousy raged and I dug my hands into the trunk of the tree. Bark crumbled around me. I growled at myself. _Hold it together, Edward._ "I didn't recognize the driver, though. I thought I knew most of the kids around here."

Bella didn't answer him, she just asked him to get the plates for dinner.

_Why didn't she say who it was?_

The boy asked the same question I wanted to ask. Frustrating. I didn't want to have anything in common with …. him.

What was Bella thinking? Why didn't she say my name? Was she afraid of me? Was she ashamed? I had let myself get carried away today, allowing myself to be intoxicated by her. It was the nature of things…the pull we had on humans. She would be frightened, but unable to leave. I had essentially seduced her by asking her those questions. And now, in the safety of her home, in the clarity of her own surroundings – _away from me_ – she could think clearly and I knew she could not desire me at all. The words she spoke while she was with me, they were only the result of the monster's seduction. It's what I was. A monster. _A disgusting monster that lures innocent girls into his presence with smiles and glances and sweet talk._ She only called me her friend to keep the conversation moving. And now, she didn't want to admit she had spent the day with me.

_You stupid, idiotic monster._

"So who was it?" the boy asked her directly. Well, he got to the point, I guess. _He'd better not be that forward in other ways. _I imagined what I'd do to him if he tried to touch her. Another chunk of bark tumbled to the ground.

And then I heard my name. She said it, although reluctantly. He laughed at her. I raged with jealousy, leaning forward from my perch, causing an entire tree limb to break free from the tree. I caught it before it fell. _Calm. Down._

"Guess that explains it, then," he said. "I wondered why my dad was acting so strange."

"That's right. He doesn't like the Cullens." Did she seem calm? Everything would seem calm next to my current state. What the hell was I doing here?

All I could think of was how jealous I was that he was standing next to her, talking to her, breathing her in. I imagined how easily I could destroy him and sweep her away. The others wouldn't notice anything unusual over the hum of the television. How warm she would be, next to my body…how sweet she would smell. I wouldn't get far. It wouldn't matter, as long as I got into the forest. It would be over quickly…

And as swiftly as the horrid thought entered my brain, it flooded back out again, with images of her cold, white body in my arms…her cheeks never to blush crimson again.

_Oh. God._ My insides twisted. I jumped to another tree, further back in the forest, leaning my back against the trunk. I refused to believe Alice's vision. I would not let this girl destroy my discipline.

I focused on calming myself as I heard the boy speak again. "Superstitious old man," he muttered.

Jacob didn't believe the stories? The treaty was forgotten? I spun around and leaped back the other tree.

"You don't think he'd say anything to Charlie?" Bella spoke quickly and softly. Ah, she didn't want her father to know. But what, exactly? That I was a monster? Or that she was weak enough to allow me so close? Yes, the latter was the answer. She had her wits about her again. I was sick with myself.

_Why would you say that? You don't think it true, do you?_ Jacob thought, but he only uttered "I doubt it," he was still contemplating Bella's question. "I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since — tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."

So Billy had spoken of us before. I searched the boy's mind for some idea of what was discussed, but he only focused on Bella. Jealousy bubbled under the surface. I closed my eyes. _You're just here to listen, Edward._

"Oh." Her voice, although clearly meant to be unassuming and casual, was thick with lingering fear. I wanted to make her unafraid and utterly hated my very existence because I knew I could never be the one to give her that. She would see the monster eventually, if she hadn't already.

The next few hours were uneventful. Bella didn't watch the game, but she sat quietly in the front room, unmoving. She gave vague answers to Jacob's incessant questions. I felt elated for a fraction of a second. _She answered my questions._ But, of course, I had seduced her into answering them. _Monster._

Billy's thoughts were the focus of my attention for the evening. He mostly focused on the game, but in the back of his mind lingered questions and fears. He would call the others. He pondered whether to tell the others about seeing Bella with me.

_The younger generation needs to know that these are not just stories_. His mind was determined.

He knew that Jacob thought him absurd and superstitious. But how much convincing would it take to open the eyes of the younger ones?

"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?" Jacob asked Bella as the game ended.

Billy's mind screamed out._ Did he mean THAT one? Did she bring THAT one to La Push?_ His thoughts shifted to the urgency to return to the reservation and call a meeting with the others.

I growled, knowing I'd have to discuss this with my family.

"I'm not sure," Bella half answered Jacob, but Billy cut her off.

"That was fun, Charlie." He offered his hand to the Police Chief.

"Come up for the next game," Charlie encouraged.

"Sure, sure," Billy said, his thoughts racing. "We'll be here. Have a good night."

And then, clear and vibrant in his mind, my face appeared – the monster, the killer. Billy imagined me hovering over Bella's broken body, smiling. I was sick at the thought.

"You take care, Bella," his mind was flooded with what he would say to the others. Bella muttered a quick 'thank you' and walked toward the stairs as the Black's left.

_Finally. _I'd worry about the Blacks later.

"Wait, Bella," Charlie called.

_Dammit._

I swear she cringed. I chuckled at her shared disgust with Charlie's delay.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?" _You've been so distant tonight._

"Good." she seemed to be forming a story in her head. Would she mention me? "My badminton team won all four games." She didn't speak of me. I was conflicted. I wanted her to think of me, but knew she shouldn't. Would I ever get a grasp on myself again?

"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton." _Huh, my Bella….badminton._

"Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good," she said sheepishly. Charlie laughed in his mind, _I should have known._

"Who is it?" Charlie was always so attentive to Bella's well-being. He was a good father. I admired his love and devotion to her. If he only knew what I'd done today, allowing my poison to get so close to her – what would he try to do to me?

"Um… Mike Newton," she didn't seem to want to tell Charlie his name.

"Oh yeah — you said you were friends with the Newton kid." _Oh, he's a good kid. _"Nice family." _He'd be good to Bella. I don't like leaving her alone so much. _"Why didn't you ask him to the dance this weekend?"

So, Charlie was a matchmaker. _Great._ Just what I needed. And, of course he picks Mike Newton. Isn't my immortality enough damnation? Why did I have to deal with this Hell? I crumbled more of the tree trunk. My only consolation was that Bella seemed as annoyed as I did with her father's prodding.

"Dad! He's kind of dating my friend Jessica. Besides, you know I can't dance."

"Oh yeah," _Way to go, Chuck. Alienate her from the beginning._ "So I guess it's good you'll be gone

Saturday… I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be

real warm. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you, I'd stay home. I know I

leave you here alone too much."

I chuckled. She even managed to leave her father dazed and confused. Bella was such a mysterious, curious creature. I wished she'd make her getaway and disappear to her room. _Be patient._

"Dad, you're doing a great job."

_Not that I have much to do, you're so self sufficient._ Charlie thought.

"I've never minded being alone —I'm too much like you." She winked. I'd never seen anything more adorable…and fiendish. I'd have to remember what she was capable of. I smiled to myself.

Charlie took the bait and grinned. _Heh. _He chuckled in his mind as he watched Bella climb the stairs.

I stayed still for a while. I don't know how long. The minds of the neighbors drifted into unconscious dreams one by one. When I knew Charlie was asleep and Bella's heartbeat was calm and slow, I crept to the front of the house and crawled up to her window. She slept.

As with every night before, I quietly slipped in the window and fell into the chair across the room. She was quiet all night, speaking only once. It was barely audible for human ears, but I understood. She said my name again. I felt satisfaction in it, even though I knew she wasn't saying it for the same reasons I would say her name in my dreams, if I could dream.

I was glad to see her sleeping soundly. The rage inside of me calmed as I studied her curves, her breathing, her heartbeats – I wondered how it was possible to feel this way. Could it be possible that I would feel whole again? I was amazed at what this small, breakable girl could do to me.

I left early. I'd have questions to answer at home. I pondered how I would tell my family about the Black's, but Alice was waiting for me on the doorstep.

"I'm ok." I told her.

_I don't believe you. Tell me what's going on._

"The Swan's had some visitors last night."

_And?_

"It was Jacob and Billy Black."

Alice rolled the names around in her head, trying to grasp why they were familiar. Then she was still. _Oh. _

_Well, the treaty was a long time ago._

"Billy knew me." I might as well be out with it.

_He saw you?! With Bella?_

"He saw me drive away from her." _And he pictured me killing her in his mind_, I added for myself.

Alice stared for a moment. _Well?_

"Well, I think it's time for a family meeting."

Alice didn't scold me. The others would. I had lingered in the human world for too long yesterday. We walked into the house together. Rosalie was standing in the center of the room.

_What have you DONE?_ Her eyes were dark and angry.

I told the others about Billy's intentions. Alice was supportive of my friendship with Bella, but clearly worried about the new complications. Rosalie continued to spew violent thoughts at me, while Emmett held her close and stared at the floor. _Damn. This isn't good. _He thought.

I was glad for Carlisle's rational thoughts.

_We will deal with this, Edward. We've broken no treaty._

He was right, of course. The treaty forbade the death of a human. There was nothing in the treaty about us falling in love with one of them. I could scarcely imagine they would have thought that possible.

_Oh, right…one more thing._ "Billy seems to think I might have gone to La Push."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Rosalie screamed at me. I ignored her outburst.

"Of course, I didn't," my eyes briefly scolded Rose for her accusation. "But he seems to think so."

"Alright. There just seems to be a misunderstanding," Carlisle's thoughts were far away. "The child didn't know he was breaking a treaty. We won't hold that against them. We just need to meet with them and sort this out."

I didn't feel assured.

"But for now, you need all need to get to school." Esme ended the meeting and waved us off.

Alice's mind fired questions at me, but I ignored them. I had to get back to Bella. I turned and walked toward my car. I heard Alice sigh behind me.

*****

It wasn't long before I was parked outside Bella's house again and she was bounding out the door to my car. She didn't hesitate to get in the car today. I reminded myself to keep it light.

"How did you sleep?" I smiled at her. She seemed dazed. Was she still sleepy?

"Fine. How was your night?"

_Oh, I just nearly killed the boy and you. And I might have started a war with a rival tribe. Nothing interesting. You?_

"Pleasant." I answered.

"Can I ask what you did?"

_Always asking questions, little Bella._

"No." I grinned at her. "Today is still mine." I fought with myself. I shouldn't do it. I should've quietly faded out of her life and let her be safe and normal. But, she was there, next to me. She was warm and sweet and frustratingly mysterious. I had no willpower to stop myself from continuing the questions.

I asked her about her mother. She spoke lovingly and achingly. She missed her mother. For a moment, I wondered if my human mother had been that important to me. I really couldn't remember her. I felt a sadness I had not felt before.

Bella was willing with her answers now. (Again, I berated myself for this, knowing she was only under the spell of the monster…but I couldn't help but take advantage of it.) I asked about her friends back in Arizona. She didn't seem to keep in touch with any of them, from what I could tell. I found no evidence in her bedroom of distant friendships. She spoke casually about the people she spent time with in Phoenix. It seems she spent most of her time alone. A loner. I already knew this, of course, but now I was reminded how easy it was to be alone with her. The things I could do.

_No._

Later in the day, I worked up the courage to ask about her love life. Did she leave a boyfriend back in Arizona? This could explain her rejection of every boy at Forks. Of course, she did get in my car, didn't she?

_No. That was the monster, luring her. Get it together, Edward._

She was entirely embarrassed when I began this new line of questions. It pleased me to see the color flush in her cheeks. I wanted to touch her again. I kept my composure and waited for her answer.

I was surprised to find that she had not dated anyone back in Phoenix. How could it be that this beautiful creature wasn't snatched up the moment she was old enough? It seemed impossible to me.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" She must have turned them down, like she had done here in Forks. But why?

"Not in Phoenix." She seemed to answer me with some annoyance, as if I should have known the answer already. What was she thinking? I studied her as we sat down at our table in the cafeteria. And then I realized what she meant.

_Oh. This is wrong. I'm seducing her again._

I watched her take a bite of her food. _This was a hopeless mess._

"I should have let you drive yourself today," I ended the questioning.

"Why?" she seemed upset with me.

_There's that furious kitten again._

I should want her to be angry with me and storm off and never speak to me again. But, instead every bit of my being wanted to embrace her and make her feel happy.

_Stay focused, Edward. Be responsible. _"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh." she was confused now. Did I see sadness? She quickly interrupted my thoughts. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

_Are you absurd, Bella?_ I was appalled. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me. I really don't mind walking." She was speaking coolly and static, but I sensed a hint of selfishness. _You silly, frustrating creature._

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition — unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of someone stealing that ancient pile of metal. I knew she was annoyed at me for laughing at her truck, but I didn't care. I would never understand her affection for that pile of junk.

"All right," she stated. Was she challenging me? _As if I couldn't complete the task._ _ What did she think me for, a simple human? _I tried not to laugh at the absurdity of her game.

"So where are you going?" she was trying not to show her annoyance with me. If I had the time, (_again with the time - who would have thought I'd be bound by time again?), _I'd begin the questions again. I could have fun with her in this mood. She was cute when she was annoyed.

But, I had other things to worry about. _Being alone with her for the entire day tomorrow, for one thing._

I answered her question with pain in my voice. "Hunting. If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." _Bella, please be the strong one._ "You can always cancel, you know."

"No, I can't." A whisper.

No. Neither of us was strong enough to resist this. There was no way out of this, now, was there?

"Perhaps you're right." I gave in.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?"

_12:01am? Oh, wait…_

"That depends… it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" _Yes, maybe she'll sleep the day away._

"No," she spoke quickly. Her cheeks blushed. I couldn't help but feel elated. I briefly wondered how early I _could_ arrive…would midnight really be too early? _Oh…right, Charlie._

"The same time as usual, then," I concluded, "Will Charlie be there?" _Please let her say yes._

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." She seemed pleased. Was she insane? _Tell them! Tell someone! Don't you grasp how quickly I could break you? You blind, oblivious child!_

I chided her. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?" _Yes, Bella, imagine me killing you. You need to believe that it's possible._

"I have no idea," she was mocking me. _Stupid girl!_ "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

I showed her a small fraction of the anger that was raging inside of me. _Be afraid, Bella. Why won't you be afraid?!_ I think she was trying to growl at me. Why was she so stubborn? It was entirely frustrating.

"What are you hunting tonight?" She asked after we finished glaring at each other.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." _Fine. If this is the way it's going to be._ I wished I could let her watch the hunt…then I'd like to see her be so casual about it.

"Why are you going with Alice?"

_Ugh. Alice. _"Alice is the most…" _insane!_ "…supportive." _Stupid visions._

"And the others? What are they?"

_A little fear. Maybe she was starting to get her head around this._

_They think I'm losing my mind._ "Incredulous, for the most part."

She timidly looked at the others. "They don't like me."

"That's not it," _It's not really about your personality, Bella._ "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." _They don't understand why I sit here, my throat on fire, hopelessly intoxicated by you._

"Neither do I, for that matter."

_Don't you? How many times do I have to tell you?_ "I told you — you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." _ You fascinate everyone._

The look on her face told me she believed otherwise. How could she think herself so plain and boring? I couldn't help but smile at the thoughts of nearly half the other people in the cafeteria, all wondering about Bella and me. She was practically a movie star in this little town, yet she sat there, thinking herself so inconsequential.

"Having the advantages I do," I spoke quietly and gestured slightly at my forehead to remind her of my ability, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…" _You're a frustrating, unpredictable, addictive creature! _"You never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

She was looking back toward the others as I continued, "That part is easy enough to explain, but there's more… and it's not so easy to put into words —" _Dammit, Rosalie!_

_You don't belong here, you insignificant, foul thing! I'd destroy you myself if it didn't mean I'd have to start this whole charade over again! WHY DO YOU EXIST?! _Rosalie screamed at Bella in her mind, while her eyes glared angrily.

_I'd destroy you, Rosalie! Look at her again and your pretty, little car will be at the bottom of the ocean!_ I hissed a warning at her, wishing she could hear my thoughts.

_I HATE you, Edward._ Rose thought, as she turned her head away.

Bella looked back at me with frightened eyes. _See, Bella? This is what I am. A growling predator at your doorstep. _I was ashamed at myself for continuing to sit next to her and seduce her.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I couldn't look at her any longer. The shame was too intense.

"If?"

_If I tear you to pieces!_ "If this ends… badly." I hid my face in my hands, unable to hide my agony. _Run away, Bella. Get the hell away from me. I don't know if I can….stop._ I wanted to tear myself into bits and set myself on fire.

After a long moment, she spoke in a calm voice. Her heartbeat gave away her façade, though. "And you have to leave now?"

"Yes." I looked up at her to scold her for not running away, but as soon as I saw her eyes all I wanted was to see her smile again before I had to leave her. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology — I don't think I could take any more." I meant is as a joke, but I wondered if I really could survive it again.

_You would've been alright._ Ah, Alice. Ever the supportive, insane sister.

Bella jumped at Alice's sudden appearance beside me. I'd have to discuss that with Alice later. "Alice." I didn't look at her.

"Edward." _See, isn't this fun?_

"Alice, Bella — Bella, Alice." _Fun? Not exactly the word I'd use…._

"Hello, Bella." _Wow, you really do smell yummy!_ "It's nice to finally meet you." _We're going to have so much fun together!_

I glared that the tiny, conniving monster beside me. _Watch it._

"Hi, Alice." Bella responded shyly. I wished the whole world would fade away and I could keep this blushing creature all for my own.

"Are you ready?" _We've got to get ready for the big day tomorrow!_

I was sure Alice had fallen off her rocker. _Big day? We aren't getting ready for a party here, Alice._ "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car."

_See you soon, Bella!_ Alice danced in her mind as she strode away.

_Heh. We'll talk about that later, you devious monster._

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?"

So, Bella thought this was fun too? I grinned. Maybe Alice and Bella would make good friends after all. _In another life, maybe._

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." I answered.

"Have fun, then."

Was she trying to give me a pep talk? I smiled her attempt to make this conversation _normal_. "I'll try. And you try to be safe, please." _Yes, please don't get broken while I'm gone._

"Safe in Forks — what a challenge."

_Yet you sit here talking to a vampire._ "For you it is a challenge." I suddenly realized Bella might lack the instinct to detect danger. _You're going to get hurt. Oh god._ "Promise." I didn't want to go, but I had to. I couldn't be thirsty at all.

"I promise to try to be safe," She was not taking me seriously. "I'll do the laundry tonight — that ought to be fraught with peril."

I pictured her drowned in the washing machine. "Don't fall in."

"I'll do my best."

_I'll bring the first aid kit when I return_. We stood. _I wish I could stay, Bella._

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said reluctantly.

Parting was becoming like a game for us. Who would speak last? Who would walk away first? "It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I smiled at our game. She played along and sadly nodded at me.

"I'll be there in the morning," _You win, Bella._ I touched her cheek, causing the fire in my throat to rage through my entire body. Her warmth lingered on the tip of my finger as I walked away. I didn't dare to watch her in the minds of the other students. I knew I'd turn around and run back to her. _Just keep walking._

Alice bounced around the car, waiting for me. _Oh, she's just lovely, Edward!_

I glared at her from the corner of my eye as I opened the car door. "We need to get her truck."

She hopped in the car and looked over at me. "I'm not driving that thing!"

"I didn't say you were." _Dang. Guess that means I'm driving slow again._ "Alice, could you please stop dwelling on that vision of yours?"

"It's going to happen."

"No, it's not." I glared at her with my dark eyes. My agitation made me think of something Bella had said, _"I've noticed that people — men in particular — are crabbier when they're hungry."_ I chuckled.

"_She's good for you. I haven't seen you smile in decades."_ Alice smiled. Her tiny face radiated with happiness. I was glad to have Alice in my life.

I rolled my eyes at her with a smirk and sped out of the parking lot.

*****

I asked Alice to stay in the car when I went in to get Bella's key, but as soon as I retrieved the hidden house key, (I'd found it on one of my late night visits), she was by my side, bursting with energy. I wasn't surprised.

"Don't touch anything."

She feigned innocence and then smiled widely.

Once inside the house, I checked the key hook by the door. Bella's key wasn't there. I considered the last time I remembered Bella driving her truck. _Wednesday_. What was she –

"Alice!" I called after the sprite vampire as she flew up the stairs.

_I just want to see her room! I won't touch anything!_

I sighed. Again, I wasn't surprised. I focused my thoughts back on Bella. What was she wearing on Wednesday? _Ah, yes. The ugly sweater. Oh, and the jeans with the worn edges._ Bella had mentioned that she needed to do laundry, so I sped to the laundry room and studied the piles of clothing. I saw the ugly sweater peeking out from the bottom of one of the piles. Gently, I moved the clothes until I saw the jeans underneath. I checked the pockets and smiled as I retrieved the key, feeling smug that I had completed the challenge so easily.

As I moved to return the pile of clothing to its previous location, Bella's scent rushed over me. I touched the sweater, mesmerized by the lingering presence of Bella. I held it up to my face and breathed in the fiery sweetness. It wasn't as potent as Bella herself, but it was enough to make me briefly consider stealing the sweater. I laughed at myself as I returned it to the bottom of the pile. _Get a grip, Edward._

_What's funny, Edward? Her bedroom is so adorable! She's got lots of books… _"doesn't she?" Alice appeared beside me in a flash, a toothy grin on her tiny face. _Your scent is nearly as strong as hers up there._

_That's odd_. I'd never thought of that before.

"So what's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," I walked toward the door, "I'll meet you at home."

Alice danced out of the house and toward the Volvo, smiling. _Hmmmm….._

I groaned. _Oh, wonderful_. Bella and I were now Alice's new project.

I drove the truck to the school lot and parked it in the vacant spot left by my car. Closing my eyes, I leaned back and inhaled her scent again. She was mixed with rust and dust. _Ugh._ I slid out of the truck bed and pulled a piece of paper from my jacket pocket. _Was it too cliché?_ I didn't care. I kissed the note and left it on the seat and slammed the rusty, metal door.

*****

"Maybe I could just have lunch with you now and then." Alice had spent most of the hunting trip trying to convince me to let her be friends with Bella.

"No." I growled.

"I could ride to school with you sometimes." _I won't even talk!_

_Yeah, right!_ "Absolutely not!"

Alice scowled, "You're always with her. You should share!"

"She's not a toy, Alice." I glared at her. She groaned and jumped onto a nearby branch.

_You're such a bore sometimes, Edward. I just want to get to know her before –_

"Keep your _opinions_ to yourself!" I flew up to her side. "It's not going to happen!"

_Yes it will._ She smiled confidently and bounced away. _And everything will be wonderful tomorrow, Edward!_

Growling, I leapt to the forest floor. _Damn maddening, miniature vampire!_ I finished my hunt without her. The prey was small, too easy to catch to bother employing any skill or focus, so I let my mind wander. I imagined Bella leaning into the washing machine, reaching for the bottom of the tank and…. _swoosh_! I laughed. She _would_ end up dying that way, just to spite me and my efforts to keep her alive. I could just see the headlines, "Death by Laundry." I laughed at the morbid thought. _Only you, Bella._

*****

The hunt was finished by mid-evening. I bid Alice farewell and turned for Bella's house, ignoring Alice's continued pleading for permission to court a friendship with Bella. That's all she needed - two vampires in her life. _Let's just tie her to a train track, why don't we?_

Bella was just heading for her room when I arrived. I crawled up a tree across the street and peered into her window. Her hair was wet and she was already dressed for bed. I saw her swallow something….pills? Was she ill? I was sure she wasn't. It was unlike her to take any sort of medication or vitamins at bedtime. I decided to investigate the pills further when she was sleeping.

I watched her linger for nearly a half hour, fiddling over outfits and her hair - also unlike Bella. What had come over her? When she finally lay down to sleep, she moved restlessly under the blankets until she eventually rose and shuffled over to the stereo. She put in a CD and I found myself leaning forward, eagerly waiting to hear what she had chosen.

_Chopin._ Could I love her more?

She lay back down and I watched her muscles tense and relax in rhythmic movements. She was troubled. Why? Was she nervous about our planned day together? Had she finally found some sense and told her father that she would be with me? _Please let it be so, Bella._ I briefly listened for Charlie's mind, but he was already dozing on the couch, lost to the world of dreams. I'd get no usable information from him.

Bella was sleeping now. I listened for dreaming neighbors before I dashed across the street and scaled the side of her house. I slipped inside quietly, but I didn't move to the chair like usual. I drifted to Bella's side, careful not to disturb the air and alert her. A blister pack of pills was next to a glass of water on her nightstand. I read the label. It was cold medicine. I listened to her heartbeat and breathing, but found no trace of any illness. Did I dare touch her to check her temperature? After a moment of watching her sleep, I carefully lowered my hand to her forehead, lingering just above the skin. Her warmth radiated around my hand, like the thick heat from a campfire. Her temperature was no different than it usually was, so I concluded that she had taken the medication to sleep. This realization distressed me. She had drugged herself? Was she that nervous for tomorrow? I didn't _want_ her to be afraid; I only knew she _needed_ to be. How agonizing! It wasn't acceptable that she chose artificial means to find calm because of me. What was I doing to this poor girl? Would she survive the next day? I shuddered.

Turning my attention away from the sleeping angel, I glided over to the box of CD's she had been rifling through. Aside from some classics, the selection was rather modern, but good. We had similar tastes in music. I thought about introducing her to some older music. She liked old things and I knew she would like some of the older tunes; she just needed to be introduced to them.

I placed the box of CD's back on the shelf and walked to the old, familiar chair. _Sleep well, Bella._

*****

I didn't stay long with Bella that night. I hunted again, even though I felt full. It couldn't hurt. I didn't want anything to go wrong with Bella. I lingered in the forest until morning, letting my thoughts dwell on the day ahead. An entire day alone with her, away from human eyes – would I be strong enough? I knew the day would define us. No more hiding, no more skirting issues. She would see the true me. It frightened me – would it frighten her? Would if she finally found me too alarming to stay? I'd let her run away, I'd let her go. It would be the right thing to do.

But my heart would break for all of eternity and I would never be right again. I was changed because of her and I didn't want to go back to that blackness I had lived in for so many years.

But how could she love me after she saw what I was? I had decided; I would show her everything…nearly. I prayed she was never near enough to see the monster unleashed, thirsty and violent. I shuttered at the thought of her body shattering like glass.

I shook the images from my mind and flew down to the forest's mossy floor. It was dawn, and it was time.

*****

Her smile greeted me at her door. My mind tore in two.

_Run far away from me, Bella…never look back! _

_No, no! I couldn't stand it! Never let that smile be torn from my sight!_

This day had to happen, no matter the outcome. I focused again and looked her over. She definitely wasn't ill. I felt a twinge of guilt as I remembered her taking the cold medicine to erase me from her brain long enough to sleep. I couldn't help but notice, though, that she looked lovely and well-rested for once in a long while.

"Good morning." I laughed when I noticed her outfit.

"What's wrong?" She quickly checked herself, probably believing I wasn't impressed with her.

_Oh Bella, you're perfect, don't worry._

"We match." I chuckled at her, amazed at how simple a thing it was, yet how profound it affected me. She took a moment to consider our matching tan and white color palettes and laughed with me. Of course, she looked radiant in the tan sweater – simple, warm. I could only imagine how white and alien my skin looked next to her.

I walked dutifully to the passenger's side of the truck, detesting the deal we had made. _Maybe if I bought her a new car…as a present…._

"We made a deal," her words broke my fantasy.

_I'm painfully aware of that, Bella._

"Where to?" She asked as the engine roared to life.

"Put your seat belt on — I'm nervous already."

"Where to?" she glared at me, but put the seatbelt on in defeat.

"Take the one-oh-one north."

I watched her as she drove. Fleeting patterns, from the trees we passed, danced on her face. I looked at the road again. We had barely gone a mile.

_For the love of all that's good, Bella! Are you purposefully trying to agitate me? _"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some respect."

_I'm old enough to be this truck's grandfather, and I move faster._

Ages later we reached the edge of town. I was singing songs to myself, too quietly for her ears to hear, to try and pass the time. When the houses were replaced with lines of trees, I looked up. Where were we? Oh, yes…

"Turn right on the one-ten." She turned. "Now we drive until the pavement ends." It was rather fun keeping the mystery going. I smiled in spite of my annoyance for her driving.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail." _You'll see._

"We're hiking?" As expected, she seemed slightly alarmed at the new information.

"Is that a problem?" _I won't let you fall, Bella._

"No."

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." She didn't answer me. I expected her to complain about the hike, but she was quiet. What was she thinking? Maybe she was thinking of me dragging her to some remote, dark cave to kill her in secret. I felt sick. She was acting so strange, I couldn't be sure where her mind was wandering. I wished she would just speak.

"What are you thinking?" I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Just wondering where we're going." She sounded much too casual. I knew she was lying. She _was_ imagining me luring her into a dark forest.

_Well, that's what I'm doing, isn't it?_

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." _Not dark and scary, Bella._

"Charlie said it would be warm today."

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" _Please say you did._

"Nope."

_Of course not. _"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" At least there was Jessica. I couldn't be sure that she'd take time out of her own head to worry about Bella, but I knew that her own jealousy would drive her to condemn me if I…if anything –

"No, I told her you canceled on me — which is true."

_You what?! _"No one knows you're with me?" _Stupid girl!_

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful, Bella." _Oh yes, Bella. Let's just give the monsters a map and an invitation._ "Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly."

_What?! Oh, Heaven forbid I get labeled a murderer! _"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me— if you don't come home?"

She nodded, silently. She wouldn't even look at me. She was protecting me? Did she have no desire to save her own life?

"You wretched creature! Curse you and your poorly placed martyrdom!" I screamed quickly and quietly in a voice that she couldn't hear.

We drove the rest of the trip in silence. I put all my focus into relieving my tension. This was not a day I wanted to be agitated. When she finally parked the truck, I slipped out and looked toward the trees. It was warm already. The clouds would be gone soon. I slipped off my sweater and tossed it back into the truck.

I could hear her delaying, scuffling her feet on the pavement.

"This way," I looked at her. _Well, let's get this over with then._

"The trail?" She was afraid. I pictured the dark cave buried in the forest again. She should be afraid. That was the point of this, right?

_No, no, I don't want that._

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?" Was she about to _cry_?

_Oh god. _"I won't let you get lost." I looked at her and smiled. _Please don't cry, Bella._

She didn't move; she only stared at me. I'd never seen her face so twisted and confused.

_Oh. No._ She really did think me a killer, luring her into the forest. Did she believe she was helpless against me?

"Do you want to go home?" _I won't hurt you._ I hoped it was true.

"No." She removed the distance between us. She wasn't afraid?

"What's wrong?" _What could it be then?_

"I'm not a good hiker; you'll have to be very patient."

_She's worried about the hike? What an odd creature. _I couldn't help but smile. "I can be patient — if I make a great effort."

She smiled back, but it wasn't right. Her deep, brown eyes didn't smile. It tore at me. She was afraid of me, I was sure of it now.

_This isn't right._ "I'll take you home."

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way."

_Bella, I can't stop this. I'm not strong enough. You have to be the one to run away!_

But she didn't run. She didn't even flinch.

There was no turning back now. She was here and I was here and something was going to happen. I just wished I knew for sure _what_ was going to happen. So, we turned and walked through the forest – together.

I did what I could to make the path easy for her, removing obstacles or helping her climb over them. Every time I lifted her, her arm lit my hand on fire and I would hear her heartbeat beat erratic for a moment. I imagined mine would do the same, if it could.

I took the opportunity to ask a few more questions as we walked. I couldn't get enough of her stories. I wanted to be able to picture her entire life in my head like a movie, so I could watch it over and over. She admitted to me that she had killed three pet fish and decided she wasn't cut out to be a pet owner.

So, she's a killer too? The perfect irony of the statement made me laugh. The laugh even surprised me with its loud and clear sound. I felt comfortable here. I felt happy and strong. Maybe I could do this after all. Maybe we could be together, safe and happy and perfect. I hoped my strength wasn't fleeting.

I was also amazed at my lack of annoyance with the slow pace we kept. It felt good to walk with her – to be near her in this quiet, intimate way. No thoughts distracting my mind, no one around to keep up the pretenses for. We were honest and open and free.

The light began to filter through the trees and I knew the clouds had gone. I could see the clearing ahead. I felt nervous. Could I do this?

"Are we there yet?" She was light-hearted. I smiled at her, glad she wasn't heavy with fear and anxiety like she had been earlier.

"Nearly, do you see the brightness ahead?"

"Um, should I?" Her eyes squinted and tried to focus, unsuccessfully.

_Whoops_. "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," She said sarcastically. I felt a wide smile cross my face. It felt good to tease and play. I'd been depressed for far too long, I had forgotten what true happiness felt like.

I could tell when the clearing entered her vision. Her pace quickened and I let her lead the way. She was like a puppy, discovering something new. How could I ever tell her how much I enjoyed her young, human fascination with the world? 107 years on this Earth had covered my eyes with a shroud of grey. I was overwhelmed and eternally thankful for the gift she had given me. I could see beauty again. I could feel happiness.

She entered the meadow ahead of me, her hands brushed over the flowers and grasses with delicate movements. It was a moment before she realized I didn't follow. In all time, I had never seen a flower so lovely as the girl standing before me now. She beckoned me with her hand, but I waited in the shadows. I saw her eyes change, then – she remembered the sun. I wanted to keep this perfect moment forever. I didn't know how she would react when I entered the sun and she saw be for what I was. She walked toward me, so I held out my hand to stop her.

_Just a moment longer, Bella. Let me remember this moment._

I took a deep breath so I could take in every last bit of this perfect beauty. In an instant, I'd step into the light and her awe would become terror. I would let her run; I would let beauty fade from my life again. I didn't deserve it. It could only thrive without me. It was decided then.

_I love you, Bella. More than you'll ever know. I will never forget. _And I stepped into the sun.


	3. Chapter 3: 13 Confessions

**Hi everyone! I just want to say thanks for reading. ****I'm trying to stay in the vein of Stephenie Meyer – keep the same writing style. This chapter was hard to get started …it was hard to decide exactly how Edward approached the situation. I tried a few things before I figured out this direction. I hope you like it!**

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**13 Confessions**

I could feel the radiating heat as I stepped into the sunlight. I didn't want to look down to see my skin. I didn't want to look at Bella's face either. I wasn't sure I could survive watching her chocolate eyes swirl in confusion and fright. I only stared at the ground, unmoving under the sun. The breeze moved my hair – the only indication that I wasn't a statue carved and polished from diamond, ammolite and marble.

Nearly a second had passed.

She had not run yet. Perhaps her feet could not move from the shock. I thought about how heavy my body felt. I was sure the earth would give way at any moment from the weight and swallow me up whole.

It didn't.

Another second passed.

She still didn't run. Her heartbeat was strong as ever, pounding faster now.

I didn't breathe. I needed to be strong enough to let her run when her brain released her body from the shock.

Three, four, five…how long would this last? When would she run?

I caught myself in my impatience, remembering she was human. What seemed like an eternity to me was only a short breath for her.

Had she taken a breath yet?

I stood there, still and quiet, watching the breeze move the grass for many more seconds. I allowed Bella her time.

Time.

I couldn't help but think about the future. I knew I would never forget her. Our memories didn't work that way. She wouldn't even fade. Although my human memories had all but faded away, every one of my vampire memories were as clear as the moment they occurred. It was sickening how violent the shock was when it hit me – these few seconds would haunt me forever. I thought the shock might shatter me to pieces.

It had been nearly 30 seconds. I couldn't stand it any longer.

_She can't shake the fright._

I was going to have to move to scare her out of her shock and allow her to flee. Slowly, I raised my eyes, allowing myself to take in every part of her body as I made my way to her face. Her feet, her legs, her hands.

Her hands. They were a painful reminder that I could never be something she could truly love. My inhuman skin was disgusting and wrong, while her skin was warm and golden in the sunlight.

Eventually my eyes made it to her face. She was staring at me with wide, brown eyes. I studied her for a moment. Was she afraid?

_Run, Bella, run._

I needed to say that out loud, but the words would not come.

Her face began to change. _Here it comes_, I thought. But, instead of torture and fear, I saw wonder….and a smile.

_I must be dreaming._

I took a small breath, checking if this image was a delusion. The fire that enveloped my body told me she was real.

I stepped to the side and gave her access to the path, glancing back toward the way we had come. I looked at her again. Her eyes didn't look at the path, but she took a step forward.

_Okay. This is it._

The weight of the moment crushed my being. I felt sick. I temporarily considered offering to take her back to her truck, rationalizing with myself that she would need the guide to get back out of the forest. I imagined myself driving her home because the shock prevented her from driving herself.

_Don't drag it out, Edward. Just let it happen._

But, instead of walking into the forest, she stood next to me and looked into my eyes. What was this girl thinking? My dumbfounded curiosity must have shown on my face, because her smile suddenly became wide, the light gleaming off her teeth. Her eyes were playful as she hopped backwards, beckoning me.

Could it be true that this porcelain creature liked what she saw? She still wanted me?

I watched her sit down in the middle of the meadow. She looked as if she was born of the Earth herself, the fairest of the flowers that grew around her. The breeze moved her hair and I saw the other blooms lean toward her to admire her shimmering presence.

I walked slowly, as to not startle her, but all I wanted was to run to her and hold her close to me and never let go. I sat in the grass next to her, quietly, and stared into her eyes. I saw no fear, so I lay down and let the sun cover me in its warmth.

I closed my eyes and waited. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. She was quiet, so I sang. She noticed my lips moving and asked what I was doing, unable to hear the singing. I told her and we were silent again.

After a moment, I felt a hot, gentle touch on the back of my hand. It was the most amazing feeling I'd ever felt and I couldn't keep myself from opening my eyes and gazing at her. I was relieved that her image didn't flutter away with the breeze.

"I don't scare you?"

"No more than usual."

I smiled widely now. _What an enigma you are, Bella Swan!_

I closed my eyes as her hands studied my arm more readily, causing hot tingles to pulse through my skin.

"Do you mind?" her bell-like voice asked.

"No. You can't imagine how that feels."

She investigated the skin on my arm, leaving fiery traces of her presence along the way. I flipped my hand over for her when she started to move her fingers underneath. I instantly realized I had moved too quickly and opened my eyes to look at her. She was startled, clearly evident by the quick intake of breathe and stone-like pose.

_Careful, Edward. _I chided myself. "Sorry. It's too easy to be myself with you."

The shock wore off and she began to move again. I closed my eyes and let her explore my hand. Her fascination with my skin intrigued me though, so I watched her again, as she studied me.

"Tell me what you're thinking. It's still so strange for me, not knowing." I whispered to her.

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

_You have no idea how much I want to be that way too, Bella._ "It's a hard life, but you didn't tell me."

She didn't look up as she spoke. "I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…"

"And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

So, she _was_ afraid. A swell of regret welled up in my gut. I should've been stronger, I should've left. I shouldn't have ever pulled this poor girl into my world. _What have I done?_ Beyond anything else, I did not _want_ her to be afraid – I only knew that she _should_ be. And even though I lay before her, a monster and a killer, I wanted her to understand that I would never _want_ to hurt her…that I would never allow it, if I had any shred of control at all.

"I don't want you to be afraid." It was all I could say. What words could possibly express the conflict inside me? _ I don't want you to be afraid, Bella. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want you to know me in this form. I don't want you to have this to be afraid of. Me. My wrongness. I don't want the monster to exist at all. If I could shed this cold beast and live and die with you…I would._

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

I quickly sat up, facing her. What else could she possibly be afraid of, if not my inhumanness? "What are you afraid of, then?" I whispered, suddenly aware how close we were.

And before I knew it, I was overpowered with blazing thoughts and fiery need. Closer she came, and closer still, until I knew I could not bear it any longer. With the last bit of self control I had, I pulled myself away from her and flew to the trees, hoping the distance would allow me the ability to shed my murderous desire. Violent thoughts raged through my mind and it took all my strength to keep from racing toward her and….

_Stop!_

"I'm… sorry… Edward." She whispered.

"Give me a moment." I was regaining my senses now….my mind. I had certainly frightened her. I could see it in her eyes. I waited until I was absolutely sure the fire had subsided before I slowly walked back to her, stopping a few feet away.

I sat across from her and watched as she stared at me in shock. I sucked her scent into my lungs, focusing on taming the fire instead of letting it rage. _Good. Better._

"I am so very sorry." How could I explain? "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

She nodded, but did not smile. Adrenaline filled her body and I knew she understood. She had been entranced by the killer and very nearly felt his wrath.

I didn't want her to feel responsible or stupid. It was my own fault, for letting myself get too close to her. I knew my scent would draw her in. I could not forget what she and I were….prey and predator.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in — my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I cried out in a dark and humorous tone and leapt to my feet, dashing to the trees again.

_This is what I am, Bella. Make no mistake._

I ran a circle around the meadow before she took a second breath and stopped to consider her reaction.

"As if you could outrun me," I laughed darkly and grabbed a large tree branch and threw it against a distant tree causing a rumble to echo through the clearing.

She stared at me in wide-eyed horror, unmoving. I walked toward her and stood quietly in front of her.

"As if you could fight me off," I sang soothingly, attempting to relax myself while trying to calm her, "Don't be afraid. I promise…" _I would die…_ "I swear not to hurt you."

I crept slowly toward her and sat in front of her. _You can trust me, Bella._ "Don't be afraid," I whispered.

I was painfully aware that she had not said a word since my sudden panic. She was certainly second-guessing her desire to be near me. I wanted her to know that she didn't need to be afraid.

"Please forgive me, I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." _You can leave and I won't stop you. I'll never hurt you. You can leave, Bella. I would understand._

But I couldn't get the words to fall out of my mouth. I wanted her near me as much as I wanted her safe. In that lay my dilemma.

She didn't speak. She didn't run.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I winked at her and she laughed a timid laugh. "Are you all right?" I asked as I placed my hand back into hers. _Please don't be afraid. I love your touch. I didn't mean to frighten you._

I couldn't help but smile when she slowly began to trace patterns on my hand. Her touch was warm and inviting and safe. She could never know how alive she made me feel.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?"

"I honestly can't remember."

_She speaks!_ Hearing her quiet voice made me nervous to continue the conversation that had previously sent us into a spiraling moment of fear….but I _had_ to know.

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right." She looked up at me briefly before gazing at my hand again.

"Well?"

Silence.

"How easily frustrated I am." I sighed. She looked up at me then, with a new sparkle in her eyes. She looked as though she had found an answer to a long pondered question, increasing my fascination with her thoughts exponentially.

"I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."

I was conflicted. Glad that she had the sense to understand the danger, but sad that she felt it.

"Yes," I said slowly, "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

I watched her face fall at my words.

"I should have left long ago, I should leave now. But I don't know if I can." I admitted.

_I'm the weak one, Bella._

"I don't want you to leave." She very nearly whispered.

_And with that, we are doomed, my sweet Bella. I am a fossil rotted to the earth, unable to move. You are the angel; you must be the one to fly._

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

_Far more than I should. Beyond all sense and reason, in fact._

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" _Glad that a monster seduces you? _"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I stared into the trees, ashamed to look at her.

After a moment, she spoke, "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean — by that last part anyway."

"How do I explain?" I smiled, looking at her gentle face. "And without frightening you again… hmmmm."

She took my hand again….or did I give it to her? I looked down as she held me tightly, the heat from her body enveloping my fingers. "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth."

I never wanted that warmth to leave my presence. How could I explain this pull I had toward her without causing her to run in fear?

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I began, "Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded. _So far, so good._

"Sorry about the food analogy — I couldn't think of another way to explain."

She smiled. _Even better._

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac —and filled the room with its warm aroma — how do you think he would fare then?"

She didn't answer, and I realized she may not understand the analogy. I tried to think of another way to describe it.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead." I began to feel frustrated at my poor attempts, but she seemed to sense this and smiled.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?"

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin." I smiled at her in thanks and satisfaction.

"Does that happen often?" She asked.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all," I studied the trees as I spoke, "He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor."

I caught myself in mid-thought. She didn't need to hear me talk about her like she was food. _Good job, Edward._

"Sorry," I pleaded.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can."

I didn't know what to make of that statement. _Just the way I think?_ Was she mad? I'm comparing her to a fine meal and she's ok with it? I took a breath and looked away from her, taking the opportunity to get the conversation over with.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as," _Delectable? No, too disgusting. Mouth-watering? Certainly not! Appetizing? That wouldn't work either…. _"appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

_Has there ever been anyone in 80 years that has made me psychotic with murderous intent, overwhelmed with passionate desire, and sick with fear of being alone again?_

"Never."

We were silent for a moment. I looked deep into her eyes and hoped she understood how special she was to me.

"What did Emmett do?"

I chided myself for even bringing it up. I felt my body tense and I looked away from her. I could not tell her the truth, but I could not lie.

"I guess I know." She spoke for me.

Well, we were in the rabbit hole now, weren't we? I couldn't avoid the issue.

"Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?" I immediately regretted the words.

"What are you asking? My permission?" She suddenly blurted out with alarm. My regret turned to rage. I could have ripped myself to pieces. "I mean, is there no hope, then?" She finished in a softer tone.

"No, no!" I very nearly could have faded into oblivion from my shame. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" I stared into her eyes. I hated how unsure I became when I was with her. How could I slip up so badly? "It's different for us. Emmett… these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now."

I watched her in silence, hoping she would understand. We had to discuss it, I supposed. I couldn't keep the veil closed forever.

"So if we'd met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" She seemed to be making light of it. She was still unsure of my intentions.

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and —" _No, don't say it. _"When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." What a repulsive creature I am.

I glanced at her, knowing she remembered. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…"

I was struck by this revelation. She was hurt the first day we met….by me. I may have been able to resist killing her, but I had still managed to cause her pain. A pain that could only be caused by her awareness of me. She was as intrigued by me, on that first day, as I was of her.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

I stopped and studied her, "You would have come," I stated as I stared into her eyes.

"Without a doubt."

I frowned in pain and stared at our hands. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there — in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there — so easily dealt with."

She shuttered at my confession, but I knew I needed to tell her the truth. We could not pretend to be something we were not.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home — I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong — and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

I noticed her surprise, but continued. Something about this confession was cathartic.

"I traded cars with him — he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary…"

"By the next morning I was in Alaska." I admitted, shamefully. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl," I grinned at her, "to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…"

She stared intently at me, seeming to gain some release from these truths as well.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it."

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." Frowning, I remembered my frustration, like a child wanting a toy he could not have. How selfish I am.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…"

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment — because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

I stopped and closed my eyes, ashamed at my behavior and the vile thing that I was. I hoped I didn't seem like I was trying to defend myself. I only wanted her to see me for what I was. I wanted this perfect creature to love me, if that were even possible, but only if she loved me, and not the charade.

"In the hospital?" Her voice broke through the silence.

I suddenly remembered the rude and angry words I had uttered to her that day. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power — you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." She flinched with me and I wished I could go back in time and erase the offending word. I quickly continued, careful to avoid mentioning that word again.

"But it had the opposite effect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." I shuttered at her name.

Alice and her vile visions. I would not make it true. It could not be.

Shaking Alice from my mind, I continued, "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay. All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."

I looked into her brown eyes, glad to feel a deeper thing now than I did in the beginning. Glad for the love I felt that kept me from hurting her. Could she understand?

"And for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here — with no witnesses and nothing to stop me — I were to hurt you."

"Why?"

"Isabella." Could she really not know? I reached out and stroked her hair, unable to deny myself. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me."

I considered the image that haunted me, looking down at the grass to avoid her eyes. I was ashamed that the thought ever entered my mind.

"The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." I looked up at her, hoping she would understand the depth of my affection. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I studied her features as she sheepishly looked away from me. I waited to hear her entrancing voice. "You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." She spoke, and then frowned. "I'm an idiot."

I laughed. In a few words, she confessed her affection and shame – while it had taken me hundreds of words to express the same thing. And with that realization, the air was feather-light around us as I teased her, "You are an idiot."

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I nearly whispered.

"What a stupid lamb," she sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion." _What torment I'm willing to endure for you, little lamb. _After 80 years of feeling nothing, I was amused that I would be so overwhelmed with every emotion possible. How quickly did those 80 years of darkness fade at the shimmer of this new light.

"Why… ?" She began, but shyly fell silent.

"Yes?" I smiled, wondering what was running through her head.

"Tell me why you ran from me before."

Did she really not understand? I felt instantly undone. "You know why." _Please, Bella, I do not know how else to explain._

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example" — she stroked the back of my hand — "seems to be all right."

My fear faded and I smiled again. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well…" I selfishly considered not telling her the truth, but instantly knew I could not bear to lie to her. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness… I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." _Dammit, Edward. Watch it._

She sensed my tension and jokingly hid her throat from me. "Okay, then, no throat exposure."

"No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." I laughed, resting my hand on her neck to help her understand that I could control myself. "You see? Perfectly fine."

I was instantly entranced by the warmth. An electric current ran though my fingers as I watched her blush at my touch. "The blush on your cheeks is lovely."

I carefully took her face in my hands, not wanting to frighten her. I wanted nothing more than to be as close as possible to the racing heart in her chest; to listen to it sing.

"Be very still," I whispered, and leaned down to rest my face at the base of her neck. Her skin was like warm velvet. The sound of her blood, rushing through her veins, was like waves of heat crashing over my body. Her heartbeat was so close now, like music in my ear. I slid my hands slowly down her neck, memorizing every crease in her skin until I rested them on her delicate shoulders. I turned my head and placed my ear directly over her heart, listening to the song it sang to me.

I could never, I would never, be able to end that song. It was angels singing. "ahhh." If I could have slept, this would have been my lullaby. I rested quietly, never wanting to move from my warm haven.

"It won't be so hard again," I confided as I raised my head. I had affection for her blood now, not just aching thirst.

"Was that very hard for you?" She asked.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I reveled in the satisfaction that I could be so near to her.

"No, it wasn't bad… for me."

I smiled, "You know what I mean." _Silly girl._

"Here." I put her hand against my face, still warm from absorbing her. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

She didn't answer, but rather seemed fascinated by the gesture. Instead of smiling and looking away, which I had expected, she surprised me by whispering two tiny words.

"Don't move."

It was almost seductive. I was spellbound. I closed my eyes and sat perfectly still, unsure as to what she was planning on doing. I was prepared for the sensory onslaught, so I was not overly worried.

Her fingers touched my cheek, my eyes, my nose. I'd never felt anything so magnificent before. Could she know what she did to me? The intense intertwined desires I felt…the agonizing ache for her blood and the thrilling need for her touch. The monster wanted to take her life, the man wanted to share her life.

When her fingers reached my lips, the intensity of it all overwhelmed me. I parted my lips...and then she was gone. She abruptly pulled away and leaned back. I wanted her touch back, but I knew she was trying to avoid sending me into a frenzy again. I remained still and let the lingering electricity, left by her fingertips, tingle through my skin.

She breathed in quickly and tightened her body. Was she afraid? Or did she feel the way I felt? I found I could not speak above a whisper.

"I wish…I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand." I said, touching her fragrant hair and lightly running my hand over her cheek. I wanted to feel that warmth for the rest of eternity.

"Tell me," she exhaled.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger — the thirst — that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though," I smirked, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely. But…" I touched her lips and felt a shiver race through her body. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand that better than you think."

_So she does feel the way I feel. _"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me? No, never. Never before this."

I held her tiny, warm hands in mine, fully aware that I could crush her in a second. It was like balancing on the edge of a knife…at any moment it all could go dreadfully wrong.

"I don't know how to be close to you," I admitted. "I don't know if I can."

With this, she leaned toward me and laid her small head on my chest. A feather lying on a stone.

"This is enough," she said, quietly.

I gently embraced her breakable body and rested my head on hers. It felt right. It felt like we were made to fit together.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she commented.

"I have human instincts — they may be buried deep, but they're there."

I hoped there was enough human left in me. I hoped I could find it.

As the light began to fade, I reluctantly released the embrace.

"You have to go." I reminded her.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

"It's getting clearer." I felt playful, a feeling I had not felt for as long as I could remember. "Can I show you something?"

"Show me what?" She asked, nervously.

I couldn't help myself. I wanted her to feel the exhilaration I was feeling. I wanted us to know everything about one another.

"I'll show you how I travel in the forest. Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster."

"Will you turn into a bat?" She asked unexpectedly, looking at me from the corner of her eye.

A roar of laughter welled up inside me and I could not contain it. She seemed playfully annoyed with me, which only made me laugh more. "Like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back." I stood still and waited for her to reach for me, but she only stared at me in disbelief. It amused me that she could be so trusting in every other way, but when I asked her to crawl up on my back, she hesitated. I reached down for her and, without a thought or a word, swung her onto my back. She instantly locked her limbs around me, enveloping me in her warmth.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," She said, less wary then before.

"Hah!" I was more worried her featherweight frame might tumble off behind me and I wouldn't notice until I was a mile down the path_. Silly Bella. _Without a thought, I took her hand and pressed it against my face. It was the most amazing thing in the world, the electric heat that traveled through her skin to mine. I smiled and dashed into the forest at top speed.

Traveling this way was second nature to me. I loved feeling the wind whip across my face and through my hair. After a moment, we reached the truck and I briefly considered taking another round, just to run again.

Instead, I smiled and called to Bella, who continued to cling to my back. "Exhilarating, isn't it?"

I waited for her to release her hold, but she made no movement. In fact, she made no sound at all. She was barely breathing.

"Bella?" Alarm rang through my mind…why wasn't she moving?

"I think I need to lie down," she finally answered in an uncomfortable gasp.

"Oh, sorry." I realized I had gotten carried away. I should have worked up to top speed. I should have warned her.

"I think I need help." She nearly whispered.

I couldn't contain the soft chuckle that escaped me. She was always such a strong-willed creature, and to see her completely shell-shocked was rather odd. I released her hold on me and pulled her around to cradle her in my arms. She was paler than usual. I thought she might be sick, so I gently placed her on the ground.

"How do you feel?" I asked, hoping she wasn't upset.

"Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees."

I sat quietly beside her as she recovered from the journey. After a few moments, she slowly looked up with tired eyes. She had a little more color in her face, which was good.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I chuckled.

"No, it was very interesting." She sounded like she was trying to be encouraging.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost — no, you're as white as me!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time." I winked.

"Next time!" She groaned a decidedly un-frightening growl, making me laugh again. I wasn't sure I had ever laughed this much. It felt good. It felt amazing. "Show-off," she muttered. I couldn't resist her anymore. The warmth from her body was beginning to fade from my skin and I wanted her close to me again.

"Open your eyes, Bella," I said quietly as I leaned toward her. Her breathing stuttered as she opened her eyes. "I was thinking, while I was running…"

"About not hitting the trees, I hope." She teased, darkly.

"Silly Bella," I had to laugh. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she repeated herself in her annoyance.

She was adorable when she was annoyed. The ache to hold her close flooded my body. I considered her delicate face … her soft lips. I desperately wanted to kiss her. I wondered if I _could_ kiss her.

"No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." _Take it slow._

She wasn't breathing.

Neither was I.

I leaned in, slowly, carefully. Her aroma was so powerful…so sweet. I let the fire in my throat lessen a bit before moving in a little further.

She didn't move, but her heart pounded furiously.

She was so close now. I leaned a little further and slowly…gently placed my lips on hers.

It was like red hot coals and sweet honey and for a second I was almost light-headed, but as I struggled for my own control, I felt Bella's hands reach up around me.

She breathed heavily and pressed her lips tighter to mine…_oh god_.

Her hands were lost in my hair as she unwittingly pressed her warm body against mine. My rational thoughts were replaced with flashes of red, orange… blazing, raging need welled up in my gut. I felt the snarl in my chest and the venom in my mouth and just as the monster screamed to devour her, I pushed her face away from mine. She opened her eyes, but I didn't let go. _Sit. Still._

"Oops," she breathed apologetically.

"That's an understatement." I forced out, not wanting to break my concentration. The fire and rage still swirled inside me.

"Should I… ?" She squirmed.

_Sit. STILL._

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." I articulated as I held her solidly in place. After a moment, the tempest died down and my thoughts cleared. I studied Bella's questioning chocolate eyes and smiled, knowing it wouldn't be so difficult next time.

"There," I was pleased I had found the control without running away. I could even keep her exquisite warm body close to mine.

"Tolerable?" She wondered, watching me smiling.

I laughed. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." _Very nice, indeed._

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You are only human, after all." _And apparently, quite easily excited._

"Thanks so much." she answered sarcastically, catching my playful tone.

I jumped up and helped her stand, but her footing was uneasy. She looked like a flimsy, little ragdoll. I couldn't help but find her adorable. _My little ragdoll. _I chuckled at the thought.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I teased, unable and unwilling to shake this feeling of elation.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," She responded groggily. "I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive." I didn't ask – I fully intended to drive. I refused to be subjected to slow driving again.

"Are you insane?" She tried to protest.

_Are you? You can't even stand straight, Bella!_

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I teased. "You have much slower reflexes." _And a very floppy neck, at the moment._

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

_She mocks my driving?!_ "Some trust, please, Bella."

"Nope. Not a chance." She grinned proudly. She had the key and she was actually going to try to keep me from getting it. I was briefly annoyed at myself for not obtaining the key earlier. Like, say, when she was spinning with nausea on the forest floor. Not that it would be difficult to obtain it now…..

She moved to walk around me, but stumbled. I had my arm around her waist, which she must have failed to notice until that moment. She seemed to be willing herself to avoid looking at me. _Oh no, you're not driving, my little Bella doll._

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk." I laughed at myself for using the phrase. How many times had I been subjected to that lecture in high school? I was amused that it actually came in handy.

"Drunk?" She questioned.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I teased.

"I can't argue with that." She finally gave in and pulled out the key, letting it fall from her hands. I caught it effortlessly and grinned.

"Take it easy — my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible," I smiled, twirling the key in my hand.

"And are you not affected at all?" She asked, annoyed. "By my presence?"

_Don't be absurd, Bella…I'm beyond affected. I'm permanently changed._

I took advantage of the moment and leaned toward her, setting my lips on her soft face. I brushed over the skin between her ear and chin, breathing in her sweet aroma until my head swirled.

_Definitely affected._

"Regardless," I hummed against her skin, "I have better reflexes."


	4. Interlude: Update

Update:

Just a quick note to all my readers: I've just finished the next chapter! Yay! Sorry it took so long! I am a professor and the new semester started up – then shortly after I came down with a wicked virus. Ick. But, I'm back on my feet and back to writing. I'll get the next chapter posted in the next day or so. 

I just want to say how thankful I am for all of your comments. So many people have come by! Really, thanks. I didn't know if anyone would care about this story – seeing that it's not really anything original. I'm just giving Edward's point of view. Stephenie wrote the meat of the story. :D

I'm glad you are all enjoying it! I know I love hearing Edward's voice in my head…I recommend it to anyone….just don't resort to cliff diving. ;)


	5. Chapter 4: 14 Mind Over Matter, Part 1

**14. MIND OVER MATTER – Part 1**

I held her hand as we drove down the tree-laced road, the radio playing tunes from decades gone by. I sang along with some of my favorites as I watched the sunset and snuck peaks at Bella. The warm sunlight made her skin glow golden. I marveled at the red shimmers that reflected off of her hair. Everything about Bella was warm – so unlike my coldness. She was everything I was not – everything I could never be.

"You like fifties music?" She asked quietly, breaking me from my reverie.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" My mind drifted to memories of my life in those decades….the horrid clothing humans wore. I chuckled to myself. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" Her question, tentative.

_Well, this should be interesting._ "Does it matter much?"

"No, but I still wonder…there's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," Did I say it out loud? I couldn't be sure. I gazed at the sunset, wondering how Bella would react. A 90 year difference was startling. I thought for moment about the possibility that she may think I'm older still. It was certainly the least frightening of the things I had shared with her, but somehow I still hesitated. It wasn't a question of fear. It was a question of desire. Would she still want me after she learns my age? _What 17 year old is attracted to a 109 year old? _I was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to avoid this conversation. _Maybe I can lie about my age, like the Hollywood starlets. _Yeah, that would never work….

"Try me," she interrupted my thoughts.

A sigh escaped me, revealing my trepidation. But, upon looking into Bella's eyes – her deep, strong, questioning eyes – I knew that the age was the least of our worries.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I stopped and glanced at her, half expecting to find her faint, slumping over in the seat. I smiled when I saw her sitting stony and quiet. It was amusing to watch her pretend to be completely unaffected by my statement. _Oh yes, just another off-hand conversation, no big deal._ I tossed the rest at her as though we played a casual game of catch. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza."

She sucked in a breath. _Ah, there it is._ I gazed into her eyes, but found no apprehension. She was rather taken aback, but it wasn't out of disgust. It almost seemed as though she was troubled to hear of my illness. Or perhaps, she was aghast to think of me human at all? Was she picturing me sickly and fading in a hospital cot?

"I don't remember it well — it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." I remembered the muddy, muted voices of doctors and nurses, the muffled moans of the sick, the feeling of helplessness and isolation…and Carlisle. My memories of him before my transformation were cloudy – but I remembered he was…peaceful. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

"Your parents?"

I struggled to remember them. "They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he… save you?" She asked, timidly. I did not want to share that pain with her.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." _How much do I tell her?_ "For me, it was merely very, very painful."

I considered the best way to tell her. There were so many things to tell, so many complications, so much pain. Did I want to share that with her? No, I didn't want to bring her into my dark world…but she was already so entwined. How could she fathom it? The moment that I ceased to be human and became…this. What could be said to explain Carlisle's decision without making him seem a monster? I _was_ a monster, and I saw no way of hiding this fact, but Carlisle was much less of one than I. He, the best of us, was the cause of my … condition – but I did not blame him. He felt despair and loneliness and kept me from a natural death to release the pain – my physical pain and his own emotional pain. How could I blame him for this? Was this not what I was doing now, seeking Bella's company in a selfish desire to not feel so empty?

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She paused, unable or unwilling to utter the thing that I am. Was it really better to avoid the word?

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." I considered my words. _Easier_. What did I mean by that? She would surely assume I referred to an ease in…transition. Would she even consider what I truly meant? Could she understand that frenzy…that uncontrollable need? I didn't want her to see Carlisle for a monster; a creature that could have devoured me so easily. No, Carlisle was not a monster. He was a good thing, a strong thing. Only with Bella did I begin to understand the strength Carlisle possessed.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" Her soft voice interrupted my reflection. It was frustrating not to know how her mind was assimilating all of this. Was she asking questions to convince herself to run? I wanted to be able to gage her, to know what to say.

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him — he was careful with his thoughts around me." _Ah, Rosalie._ What was Carlisle thinking? He obviously didn't know my type. _No, because my type is apparently dark-haired, blushing, human girls that I must continually remind myself not to snack on. I doubt Carlisle would have guessed I was insane…but we all know now. _ "But, she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting — we were in Appalachia at the time — and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her."

I raised our hands to her warm face. My entire family was stronger than me. Rosalie and Emmett, strong for one another. Carlisle and his intense compassion for humanity. Esme who loved so deeply. How could anyone think her a monster? Alice and her strange visions, guiding her out of darkness. And even Jasper, who was the newest and the weakest. Even Jasper was stronger than I, with his deep empathy. They all had the strength to find joy and purpose. What was I? An empty, hollow thing that found no joy or purpose in this existence….and now, I am so pathetic to drag this soul down to my darkness.

"But she made it," she said with some conviction, as her eyes looked into mine.

"Yes," he murmured. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." How many times was it now? And each wedding more elaborate than the last, thanks to Rosalie's vanity and Alice's obsessions. I chucked. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again."

"Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" Bella quickly said, fascinated. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things — things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." I wouldn't let Bella's future…no, she had a different future. Alice was wrong. I glanced at Bella. Her brown eyes were curious and innocent. She had no idea what world she was flirting with.

"What kinds of things does she see?" Her sweet voice calmed my thoughts.

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of… your kind?" She seemed afraid; unsure if she really wanted to know how many monsters were in the world.

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I looked at her through the corner of my eye, letting the corner of my mouth curve up in a playful smirk. _Don't worry, little Bella, I won't let the monsters get you._ "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live… differently tend to band together."

"And the others?" _Others_. As with every other discussion of monsters, we gloss over the word.

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?" She asked, enthralled with the conversation. I saw her pupils register that we were in her driveway. I switched off the truck and turned toward her. There was no moon, only shimmers of light from unknown sources moved slowly around our skin. It was becoming a regular game for myself – the moments when I tried to remember what it was like to be human. What could Bella see in this dark? Much less than I could. Could she see my features at all? I struggled to remember a moment. A quiet moment. I was young. It was dark, but I was not afraid. A sweet voice. My mother? I couldn't be sure. The light danced around the room we were in like it did on Bella's face. I broke away from my choppy memory. It had been too long since my thoughts rested on my life before the change, but I found myself more filled with the need to remember. I couldn't hear her mind…but maybe I could hear my own… She sat patiently, waiting for a response. I smiled at her eager expression.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

"So that's where the legends came from?"

"Probably." _And the paranoia of simpler generations._

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

As I finished appeasing Bella's mind, I realized I had forgotten to appease her stomach. Her body growled in hunger. _Good job, Edward. Forget to feed the human._

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner." I smiled.

"I'm fine, really." Her voice was filled with conflict.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want to stay with you."

"Can't I come in?" I asked, trying to avoid sounding to eager. Inviting a monster into her house wasn't something a girl did every day.

"Would you like to?"

"Yes, if it's all right." I said as I quickly exited the truck and dashed around to open Bella's door.

"Very human," she smiled her sweet smile.

"It's definitely resurfacing." I followed her to the door, but just before we reached the threshold, I sped ahead of her, grabbing the hidden key and unlocking the door. She paused as she entered the house.

"The door was unlocked?"

_Oh. _ So much for hiding my eagerness. "No, I used the key from under the eave."

She spun and stared at me with raised, curious eyebrows. Her eyes were firm and set.

"I was curious about you." I quickly said, bypassing the inevitable question.

"You spied on me?" She didn't seem angry.

"What else is there to do at night?" I said truthfully. She quietly turned toward the interior of the house and walked away from me. I dashed in front of her and sat in the chair at the end of the table. She stood there and considered me for a moment. These were the thoughts I wanted to hear. These silent moments. She was making decisions, I could tell that much. Was she weighing the good and the bad? Considering her own sanity? I wished I could know.

She turned from me after a moment and began preparing a meal. It smelled pungent and foul. I watched her work. She was careful to avoid looking at me. She was still thinking. I shouldn't have used the key. It only served to reveal how desperate I am for her presence. What did she think of me? Could I be trusted? I'd much rather be a guest in her home with her knowledge. All the sneaking was tiresome. I realized that I had undermined her authority over my presence in her home. Now she knew I had been her before…without asking. She knew that I would have come in later, even if she had said no. Surely she was considering how offended she was by my behavior. _How very ungentlemanly, Edward. Brilliant job. _Suddenly I realized she was speaking.

"Hmmm?" I asked her. She stared intently at her food, spinning hypnotically in the microwave.

"How often did you come here?"

_Oh._ Well. I might as well just own up to it all then. "I come here almost every night." I carefully watched her as she whirled around to face me.

"Why?" She was forceful, but I thought I heard embarrassment more than anger. I couldn't be sure.

"You're interesting when you sleep." I stated. _Absolutely, impossibly fascinating, actually._ "You talk."

"No!" She suddenly gasped and leaned on the counter. She _was_ angry with me. I wondered if I would get out of this one.

"Are you very angry with me?" I asked quietly, hoping she wouldn't answer by screaming for me to leave.

I would, of course. Leave. My gut twisted as her voice cracked out of her throat.

"That depends!"

That wasn't the command I was expecting. In fact, it wasn't a command at all. I sat silently, but she stared at the countertop like it was a life vest floating in an ocean she was lost in.

"On?" I prodded, wishing she'd say something…anything.

"What you heard!" She was very nearly crying.

I flashed to her side and gently grasped her warm hands. "Don't be upset!" I pleaded. I was suddenly reminded of how my family felt with me around, always lingering in their private moments. Of course they knew I didn't want to spy on them, but it was still there. The feeling of losing your privacy. I had wrongly convinced myself that Bella was safe from my invasions – when she was actually the worst victim of them all. I actively chose to invade her private moments and I was disgusted with myself for the infraction. I had to calm her and let her know exactly how much I knew. It was the only right thing to do.

"You miss your mother," I whispered, hoping to relax her nerves. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I allowed a small laugh, enough to lighten the mood.

"Anything else?" she demanded, but with less volume and less tears.

"You did say my name," Yes, I needed to say everything.

She sighed and I felt her hands get heavy. "A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?" I said, impishly.

"Oh no!"

Her entire body was heavy now and I was sure she might melt to the ground. I held her against my chest as gently as I could, trying to comfort her.

"Don't be self-conscious," I whispered, my lips desperately close to her ears, flush with blood. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

Just as the swirling, hot frenzy in my head began, I heard the sound of Bella's father outside. A second later she heard it too.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked, responding to her sudden rigid pose.

"I'm not sure…" She said hesitantly and I knew there was no time.

"Another time then…" and I dashed out the back door. She hissed my name, startled at my absence. I allowed one quiet chuckle as I faded into the darkness. _I'm not going anywhere, my Bella._

I dashed around the house and scaled the wall, slipping into her window before the porch light could catch up with me. Her father's voice called her name and I heard her break from her rigid stance. Her heartbeat skipped and I heard her feet pad across the kitchen to the table.

Leaving the two to their conversation (not wanting to be intrusive yet again tonight), I picked up one of Bella's tattered novels and sat in the old, familiar chair. I let my eyes scan the pages without much thought as to what I was reading. I looked up and glanced into her closet. Various articles of clothing and shoes were tumbling out of the open door. A pale green pullover. The dark blue blouse. A jacket with a glove peeking out from the pocket. I have often entertained the idea of leaving Bella little gifts and notes around her room, but after her horrified reaction to the revelation that I had spied on her sleeping, I was grateful that I had never gone through with the idea. I sat in the dark, pondering what a monster I was. Not the immortal monster, but this new beast – a stalker and a peeping Tom. I wasn't much better than the human scum I had once hunted. I wondered how I had gone from existing as a hollow, emotionless creature to being overwhelmed by the very thought of a fragile little girl.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a name I despised. Mike Newton. A deep growl grew in my chest and I was renewed in my desire to keep Bella close and safe. _Forgive me my sins, Bella, but I could not bear him holding you like he imagines._ With that thought, I heard Bella tell her father she was retiring early. I wondered if she expected me to be sitting in this old chair and chuckled to myself. I was already in trouble for spying….why stop now?

I listened to Bella's footsteps tread carefully up the stairs. Amused at her attempt to calm her father's worries, I listened to her father's thoughts. _"Maybe she's thinking of sneaking out?" "I wonder if she'd tell me if she had a boyfriend?" "What do I really know about this Mike Newton fellow?"_

I smiled silently as her father pondered things every father ponders – things every daughter dreads her father ponders. If only he knew Mike Newton wasn't the one he should be pondering.


	6. Chapter 5: 14 Mind Over Matter, Part 2

**14. MIND OVER MATTER – Part 2**

Bella slipped inside the room and shut the door loudly behind her, immediately dashing to the window. Leaning out, she whispered my name. It was too much for me not to play a game, so I ghosted over to her bed, stretched out across it, and then laughed. "Yes?"

Her response was beyond amusing. Her hand clutched her neck as she spun around and glared at me.

"Oh!" she exclaimed as she melted to the floor.

It took all my discipline to hide the genuine satisfaction of winning my self-made game.

"I'm sorry." I said, not really sorry at all.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I sat up slowly and leaned toward her. She was a million times smaller than ever before, curled up in a jumbled mass of flushed skin and racing heartbeats. I picked her up gently, easily lifting all of her weight onto the bed.

"Why don't you sit with me," I said, laying my hand on hers. Her skin: extra warm from the excitement. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me — I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I chuckled at her annoyed retort. She didn't like this game as much as I did – but at least she didn't seem angry at me anymore.

After we sat in silence for a moment, she reluctantly pulled away from me.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" she asked.

"Certainly." I said, stretching my arm out toward the room in a gesture of compliance. I didn't want her to think she had to ask permission.

"Stay," she ordered - her eyes intent and focused.

"Yes, ma'am." I obeyed, slipping to the edge of the bed and taking a studied pose. Unmoving, I listened to Charlie in the living room. His thoughts were a mixed bag of sports, fishing, and Bella. They were simple thoughts, but important and genuine. He wasn't like Jessica, with her empty, selfish mind-chatter. I appreciated Charlie's simple and direct mind.

Bella bounded down the stairs and bid goodnight to her father. I admired her attempt at easing her father's worry – and hopefully ending his desire to come up the stairs and check on her. Once she returned to the room, I really didn't want to have to leave her again.

When she entered the room-closing the door behind her-the scent of shampoo, musk, and blood rushed over me in a dizzy wave. She was a porcelain doll, standing quietly, smiling, in worn pajamas and wet hair.

"Nice," I observed. She made a face as she looked down at her old pajamas. "No, it looks good on you." _I have a new definition of adorable, actually._

"Thanks," she whispered, curling up beside me on the bed, redefining 'adorable' yet again.

"What was all that for?" I asked, deciding I needed to make small talk to allow myself time to regain my composure. I didn't need to attack her on my first official visit to her room.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh." I answered. My answer came out strangely. Did she notice? I watched her. She didn't seem to notice that I was seconds away from devouring all her adorableness. _Just continue the small talk, Edward._ "Why?"

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited." _Overexcited_. Great, just the word I needed to hear right now. _Over. Excited._

_Yeah, you could put it that way._

I reached out and gently drew her face up toward mine. "You look very warm, actually." Clearly, this moment wasn't going to dissipate, so I gave in and lay my face against hers. If it was possible to _feel_ adorableness, I think this was it. "Mmmmmm…"

"It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me." she said slowly and unevenly, after a long moment.

"Does it seem that way to you?" I barely answered, focused on the sweet fragrance pouring off her skin. I slid down and rested a kiss below her ear, feeling a wave of tingling electricity move through my body. Her silky hair was intertwined around my fingers, her blood racing quicker….so close to my teeth.

"Much, much easier," she interrupted my thoughts.

"Hmm." I mumbled.

"So I was wondering…" she trailed off as I followed the curve of her collarbone with my fingers.

So delicate. My very own porcelain doll.

"Yes?" I wanted to know the rest of her thought.

"Why is that," her voice trembled, "do you think?"

_I want your love more than your blood, Sweet Bella. _I laughed under my breath. "Mind over matter." But, in an instant, her warm skin pulled away from me. I sat still, afraid I had upset her. I panicked as I considered the possibility that I had said it out loud. _"more than your blood." _Did I? Her eyes didn't give me any clues. I would have to ask.

"Did I do something wrong?" I inquired, unable to read her expression.

"No — the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she responded.

I hadn't considered that reaction. Did I really give her pleasure? Could she be feeling what I was feeling? "Really?" I smiled in genuine satisfaction. I had never felt so perfect.

"Would you like a round of applause?" she snorted.

Grinning, I explained, "I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…" And here I thought I'd make a fool out of myself. A hundred-year-old idiot with no experience, trying to impress an intelligent girl in a modern society. I knew Bella wasn't like the other girls, but I was sure she at least had some idea of what a boy should do to impress a girl.

"You're good at everything," she commented, bringing me back from my fascinations.

I shrugged, and laughed quietly with her. _ I have a century of practice, Bella….at least in most things._

"But how can it be so easy now?" she continued. "This afternoon…"

"It's not easy," I conceded. "But this afternoon, I was still… undecided." I winced. As recent as that morning, I had still considered Bella a possible meal. It disgusted me. "I am sorry about that; it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," she allowed, gracefully.

"Thank you." I smiled, thankful for her unwillingness to condemn me. "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I raised her wrist to my face and closed my eyes. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome, I was… susceptible." I breathed in her scent, deep into my lungs. "Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…" How could I explain?

"So there's no possibility now?" she asked.

"Mind over matter," I said again, smiling widely.

"Wow, that was easy," she commented.

I laughed as quietly as I could. She really had no idea! "Easy for you!" I said, touching her nose with my fingertip. _You try falling madly in love with the one food you can't resist, but can't ever devour!_

But the truth was, it wasn't without some difficulty. I looked at her with serious eyes.

"I'm trying," I whispered, pain filling my heart. "If it gets to be… too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." _Yes, yes, I would leave before….before anything….went wrong…._

I noticed her grimace at my talk of leaving. My heart swelled. "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think." I was beginning to understand how Carlisle could be so close to so many wounded humans all day long. Of course, he had 200 more years of experience than I did, so his desensitization was much more profound.

"Don't go away, then," she nearly pleaded. I smiled warmly, hearing the words I longed to hear.

"That suits me. Bring on the shackles — I'm your prisoner." I laughed, curling my hands around her wrists in a safe embrace.

"You seem more… optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" I smiled as I remembered how Bella had reawakened my interest in the stories contained in the tattered novels on her bedroom floor – and now she had awakened the stories inside of me. I felt the things I had only read about.

"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

I suddenly felt relaxed and began to express my thoughts swiftly, but careful to speak slowly enough for Bella to understand. "For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I scowled at myself. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

She nodded. "The day you started talking to me again." So the intensity of that day was not lost on her either. I remembered the new, alarming feelings I felt that day.

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt — I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.

"And then the line started forming," I chuckled, thinking of the all the boys at school that lusted after Bella in their teenaged fantasies. "I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then," I whispered, remembering the moment I first heard her say it, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." How much could I say before I say too much? She seemed unsteady, but not unwilling. She seemed curious, even – so I continued.

"But jealousy… it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I couldn't contain my disgust with the young boy.

"I should have known you'd be listening," she answered, annoyed.

"Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?" I heard the thick disbelief in her voice.

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh." Was I really making excuses for hating that troll of a boy?

"But honestly," she teased, lighter in tone now, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie — Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie — was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

"There's no competition." I smiled widely and wrapped her arms around me, pulling her close to my chest.

"I know there's no competition, that's the problem," she mumbled.

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." _You are perfection to me, Bella._ "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered, laying her head on my chest, her warmth enveloping me. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," I agreed, amused at her revelation. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." I drew her hands back between us and gathered them both in my right hand, while I used my left hand to trace the length of her hair on her back. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's that worth?"

"Very little — I don't feel deprived of anything," she said, truth resonating in her voice. She had no idea what she was depriving herself of…being with me.

"Not yet." I answered, considering the decades of death and despair I had felt before Bella came into my life.

Suddenly, I was fully aware of Charlie's approaching footsteps. I reluctantly released Bella from my embrace and drifted quickly into a dark corner of her room. She reacted quickly and tried to inquire, but I swiftly instructed her to lie still, narrowly avoiding having my voice detected by her father as he pushed the door open to peer in on her. I contained a chuckle as I watched Bella pretend to sleep – I wasn't sure how Charlie could possibly believe her act.

After a few long seconds, Charlie quietly pulled the door closed and retreated. I dashed over to Bella and slipped under the blankets with her, resting my lips next to her ear.

"You are a terrible actress — I'd say that career path is out for you." I recited.

"Darn it."

I smiled at her playful reaction and began to hum a melody I had been composing for her. She quietly listened until I paused to ask her if I should sing her to sleep.

"Right," she laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't know you were here," she chided. _Oh, right._

"So if you don't want to sleep…" I began, playfully.

"If I don't want to sleep… ?"

I chuckled against her skin. "What do you want to do then?"

She paused and then admitted, "I'm not sure."

"Tell me when you decide."

I took the time to breathe her in, gliding my lips over her jaw and neck.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia. It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

Her sarcastic humor amused me. I enjoyed provoking it out of her. Smiling, I chuckled and allowed her scent to wash over me, causing a sigh to escape my throat. Mouthwatering was an understatement.

"I've decided what I want to do, I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything."

"Why do you do it?" she began, "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

A profound question. It caught me off-guard. I let the dizziness of her sweet scent subside as I pondered how to answer. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others — the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot — they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She was quiet for some time. I lay silently with her, listening to her heartbeat and breathing.

"Did you fall asleep?" I finally whispered, knowing that she had not.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

"Not quite." she answered, as if I had missed a joke.

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds — why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?"

My shoulders shrugged involuntarily. I didn't really know why I was the way I was. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified — like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness." I laughed. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him — calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

After a moment, she continued her questioning. "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight — I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." I laughed and kissed her hair, the sweet fragrance filling my lungs.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I inquired, not wanting to waste a moment of our time, but knowing she needed her rest. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I whispered, burying my head in the curve of her neck.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" her voice was full of concern. "You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." I said simply and honestly. _I'd stay every second of every day if I could, Bella._

"One more, then, tonight…" she began, but did not finish. Her blood rushed to the surface, screaming desperations at me.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything." I tried to stay calm, but she still refused to answer. My curiosity got the better of me, finally, and I resorted to a groan of dissatisfaction. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I whined, leaning in to let my breath slide over her collar bone. She had liked that before and I hoped it would persuade her to ask me the question that caused such a physical reaction.

She still refused. I'll have to guilt it out of her.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," I warned, but continued in a pleading voice, "Please?"

"Well," she spoke, although hesitant.

"Yes?" _Whoops, was I too eager?_

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Sex. She's wondering if we have sex. Again, Bella has completely disarmed me and left me astounded. "Is that what you're getting at?" I had not expected the question….but maybe I should have?

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I said when she didn't answer my question. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh."

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I asked, playfully, wondering where she was going with this line of questioning.

"Well, I did wonder… about you and me… someday…"

_Oh hell. How did I not see that coming? _"I don't think that… that… would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?" she asked timidly.

_Oh…that… and the fact that I'm positive I'd crush you in a millisecond._

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I lifted my hand to her face, letting her warm blush heat the inside of my hand. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

She was painfully quiet. "Are you scared?" I asked, wondering if I had finally said the wrong thing.

"No. I'm fine," she said after a moment.

Now it was my turn to hesitate. I sucked in a breath before I began. "I'm curious now, though, have you ever… ?" I didn't finish the thought.

"Of course not," she said quickly, the blood rushing to her cheek again. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company." A deep respect and satisfaction filled my chest as she confirmed my beliefs. She was virtuous, as I had believed.

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she sighed.

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I responded, wondering if she would understand how much I admired the quality in her.

"Your human instincts…" she began, taking a breath before finishing. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I laughed at the thought. How could she not know? I rumpled her hair as I answered her. "I may not be a human, but I am a man," I assured her.

She responded with a yawn. It was late, she needed to sleep. I hoped she would be able to sleep with me next to her. I did not want to leave.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep."

"I'm not sure if I can," she admitted. I sighed, sad at the thought.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, unwillingly.

"No!" she responded quickly…and rather loudly.

Pleased, I hummed her lullaby softly into her ear, hoping that nature would win over and she would fall asleep. And it worked. Before I reached the end of the song, she was fast asleep in my arms. I realized, in that moment, I was actually glad that I didn't sleep. I had an amazing opportunity to lie next to this sleeping, perfect creature for an entire night's worth of blissful, uninterrupted hours. I smiled at the thought and started the lullaby over again.


	7. Chapter 6: 14point5 While She Sleeps

**14.5. While She Sleeps (an interlude)**

I embraced my little sleeping Bella as long as I could, but after only an hour, she began to shiver under my cold skin. Even the blankets and clothing couldn't keep the cold out forever. I sighed as I effortlessly slipped off of the bed and stood in the middle of the room. Charlie was fast asleep on the couch, so I decided to venture out into the house and explore for a while.

As I drifted past the bathroom, I caught lingering notes of Bella's scent – so I went in. _Why not?_ It was a small bathroom. Clean, yet lived in. Charlie's razor mingled quietly with Bella's hairbrush. _Like them_, I thought. Inside a small cabinet, I found a tub of moisturizing cream. It was a natural cream, without any perfumes. Bella never wore makeup, perfumes, or ornate accessories, thankfully. They would only serve to take away from her natural beauty. I wondered, briefly, if I would have reacted so badly upon my first encounter with Bella in that tiny classroom – if her skin had been covered in perfumes and cosmetics. Would the false fragrances have distracted me from her scent? I smiled a dark smile to myself, knowing that my vampire senses could not be so easily tricked. I would have still ached for her.

My mind wandered, as it usually did. So easily distracted we are - my kind. So many sensory things, so many memories…and in my case, so many thoughts, to absorb and filter. I thought about how humanity had dulled their instinctual sense of smell with all the unnatural fragrances they used. Every generation wondered why the sexes couldn't 'read' each other, or how people could so easily miscommunicate. I knew the answer – they failed to rely on their natural instincts. The musk of a person; it tells you so much. Throughout history, humans have sought to develop their minds and ignore their animal instinct. Civility?

Or blindness? Were they really so advanced? It seemed to me, that with every advance humanity made, they distanced themselves further from one another.

Bella was more instinctual. She didn't even know it. She was more human than most humans I'd encountered. Her emotions were real and raw. Her scent was natural. Her presence was electric.

She wonders why people in this small town are drawn to her. It is because she is this raw, honest thing. The people of Forks were not even aware of how she affected them – but she did affect them. They only knew she was different, but it wasn't because she was from somewhere else. It was because this sleepy town was full of two kinds of people. The older generation – tired and lethargic, going through the motions, accepting this town as 'what life is', and the younger generation – bored and distracted by the glittering big cities, doing everything they could to make themselves more like what they thought 'life was supposed to be like'. But, they were all, every one, numb to the world. They lived in the past and in dreams. They did not live in the moment. Bella did.

I often wondered why she was so drawn to me. Her reaction was unlike the others. She probably thought I had awakened this onslaught of senses in her, but I knew better. She was different. She had always been aware of the world in a raw and instinctual way. It was how she knew to leave her mother and come to Forks.

I had wandered back down the hall to her door, gazing at her sleeping form. She had stopped shivering and was curled in a warm ball under her blanket, mumbling her dreams aloud. I crept in and kissed her hair lightly. She stirred, but did not wake. "I love you," she whispered in her sleep.

"I love you too, Bella," I whispered into her ear. She smiled. I studied her for a few moments more before slipping out of the room again.

I walked slowly past Charlie's room. His door was ajar. An unmade bed, a pile of metal objects – keys, his badge, an ink pen – occupied the top of his dresser. A picture of Bella. I did not enter, I only lingered. His scent was strong in the room, but I could also smell a faint note of flowers and soap. Bella must have laundered his bedding or clothing recently.

I let my feet carry me to the staircase. Charlie's thoughts were still lost in dreams, so I quietly descended and hovered at the living room entry. Charlie was draped over the couch uncomfortably. My eyes drifted from Charlie to the far wall. There was a painting of a serene lake surrounded by trees. Small. Simple. Not a masterpiece, but beautiful in its own right. I wondered what it was about the painting attracted Charlie. He wasn't the type to worry about décor. I doubted it was a lingering decoration from when Renee dwelled in the house.

I pictured him at a flea market or garage sale and the painting catching his eye. Did he linger on it? Did he study it? Or was it an impulsive buy – a choice made simply because it would fill an empty space on the wall? It didn't seem likely, as the painting was far too small to fill the space it occupied. Perhaps it was a gift. But from who? Billy? Charlie didn't have any romantic attachments, so it wasn't likely from a woman.

I was intrigued. I studied the painting further and noticed a small girl playing at the river bank. I considered the possibilities again and realized that something had not occurred to me. Could it be that this painting was found soon after Renee took Bella back to Phoenix? Was the little girl representative of Bella? I gazed at Charlie and imagined him at a garage sale, probably having stopped to say a polite hello to a townsperson, browsing the items without a thought. Perhaps he had passed by a box of old paintings and frames and noticed the little girl? I'd gamble that his every thought at that time was tinted with thoughts of Bella. _How alone you must have felt after she was gone._

I noticed the floor was worn in that corner of the room. Had he spent time hovering in front of the painting, willing the little girl to jump out and smile at him?

I studied Charlie for a long while. I felt a kinship with him. He was alone until Bella came into his life again. She had the same affect on me – awaking me from a long slumber. Finally, I dared to reach out and cover Charlie with the quilt from the back of the couch. He was deep in a dream and did not stir at my light movements. It wasn't much of a gift, but it was what I could give.

I left him then and wandered back up to Bella's room. She was falling into a deeper sleep now. I didn't want to leave, but I figured this was as good a time as any to sneak away for a moment, so I lightly kissed her on the shoulder and drifted to the window.

*******

Back at home, I was greeted at the door by a bubbling Alice.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? I knew it was going to be a wonderful day!"

I rolled my eyes at her, refusing to give her any satisfaction. I was still annoyed at her _other_ visions of Bella. She couldn't win me over that easily. Ignoring her pleads for attention; I ghosted to my room and began gathering a new outfit for the day. She was fast behind me.

"Please tell me all about it. Every detail!" she squealed.

"You already know all the details, Alice." I said in the best bored and uninterested tone I could muster.

"No I don't! I don't!" she bounded in front of me and leaped up into my arms. I caught her for an instant and then promptly dropped her, huffing at her.

"Leave me alone, I have to change," I said, bluntly. But she was not so easily deterred.

As soon as I turned to refocus on my clothing, Alice was atop my shoulders, giggling.

"Get off me, sprite!" I yelled.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, resting her head on mine and completely ignoring my attempts to remove her from my shoulders, "I'm so happy you've found her. You're much more fun…even when you are pretending to be annoyed."

"I'm not pretending! Get the hell off me!" I yelled, finally succeeding at flinging her off my shoulders. She flew across the room and landed on her feet, smiling.

Suddenly, Esme's voice echoed through the house. "Don't break anything!"

"Yes you are," Alice smirked, ignoring Esme's commands.

"You're disgustingly annoying," I said flatly.

"You love me," she said and then wilted her entire body into a pathetic pleading masquerade, "Could you bring her to meet us, Eddie?"

"Don't call me Eddie."

She immediately straightened up with wide, bright eyes. "You didn't say no!"

"I didn't say 'yes' either."

Alice smiled and sprinted over to me, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. "Esme wants to meet her too, you know," she said as she buried her little head in my chest.

"_Clever, little Alice….and yes, I do, Edward. Won't you bring her to meet us?" _Esme pleaded with me in her thoughts.

_Ugh. They are ganging up on me!_ I let a small smirk appear on my face, "Fine. I'll ask. I can't guarantee she'll want to come."

I hardly had the words out of my mouth and Alice was squealing as loudly as she could, bouncing off every surface in my room. I sensed Jasper enter and lean on the door frame.

"SHUT. UP." Rosalie roared at Alice from down the hall. _"Ugh. The human? Here?!"_

"Alice, darling, why don't you calm down a bit before you gut the entire room, hmm?" Jasper said in a calm and amused voice, grinning at Alice.

Esme was at the top of the stairs now, with Carlisle in tow. "Oh, very good, Edward! We will all be on our best behavior," she said, smiling.

Rosalie burst out of her room, "Correction, YOU will be on your 'best behavior'. _I_ will be hunting. There is NO way I am going to be stuck in this house with that foul smelling human!" _"She shouldn't even be in our lives!" _ Rosalie added in her mind, glaring at me. I instinctively crouched and growled deeply at her. She hissed back at me.

"Stop." Carlisle said, flatly and firmly, looking both of us in the eyes.

I straightened my pose and looked away from Rosalie, while every other eye stared at her, quietly condemning her for her behavior. A smug smile crossed her face and she turned on her heel and retreated into her room. Emmett rolled his eyes and followed. _"I'll talk to her, Edward."_

A second of silence passed before Alice was behind me; her arms around me again. She leaned her head into my back and giggled, "yes, my very best behavior. I promise!"

I rolled my eyes and looked at Carlisle and Esme who smiled knowingly and glided down the stairs.

"_I'll keep things calm, Edward. Don't worry."_ Jasper smiled and gathered Alice up in his arms. "Why don't we leave Edward alone, sweets," he winked as he carried her down the hall.

I smiled to myself and my eccentric family. It would be amazing if Bella didn't run screaming from us.

After changing clothes and freshening up, I returned to Bella. The house was still deep in sleep. I leaned down and breathed in Bella once more, letting her sweet warmth radiate through my steel skin. After a moment, I retired to the rocking chair to wait out the rest of her sleep cycle. A tattered copy of Emma lay nearby, so I snatched it up and began reading. I chuckled as I read, realizing I was picturing Alice as Emma the matchmaker.


	8. Interlude: Update 2

Hi Everyone!

I haven't given up on the story – I just had to take a break. Life got in the way! But, I'm hoping to get a new chapter up soon! Thanks for sticking around and thanks for all the reviews and comments! I'm so glad you are enjoying it! :D

So, who's looking forward to New Moon? Maybe I can get this story finished before it comes out, so we can start on the New Moon book from Edward's POV. :D

Thanks again, everyone!


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